and in other news

omar minaya goes insane, offering jose reyes for juan uribe straight up.

kenny turns him down, stating publicly that he is confident that the imminent return of scott podsednik will provide the Sox with the necessary speed on the basepaths.

when minaya throws in carlos beltran to sweeten the pot, kenny still demurs, stating publicly that he is holding out for shawn green.  

frustrated, minaya who is rumored to be dating uribe's sister (who, as it turns out, shot a farmer and an italian sailor in a fit of rage because minaya had heretofore refused to acquire the torpedo boat), again ups the ante, now offering reyes, beltran and lastings milledge straight up for juan uribe.

demonstrating a stubborn ability to ignore reality otherwise unknown outside of the oval office, kw turns up his nose at milledge, stating publicly that milledge is an idiot, that he doesn't need two brian andersons in his organization, and that the sox need veterans who understand the game.

spontaneously, (perhaps finally overwhelmed by the perversity of an organization that traded away its future to give b. nikola a chance to man CF over the longterm, only to turn on him and toss him into the trash without even trying to play up his value for other teams) sox fans begin a mad rush on old disco LP's in chicago, and on one sultry night in July, with the sox 14 games under .500 and with a collective obp of .289, 6,432 anguished fans fling the disks frisbee-style onto the field, hoping to put at least one doddering veteran out of his misery by decapitation.

oddly, the only one struck is oswaldo, who nevertheless lurches headless onto the field gesticulating wildly towards the bullpen, apparently attempting to bring all his relievers into the game at once...  

hell, he won't need them tomorrow.