A Quick Introduction/Who are these Jerry Owens fans?

by Craig Grebeck on Mar 5, 2008 3:38 PM CST Comment 29 comments

I am either a 5'7" former major league expert, or a freshman English major at Knox College who has worn out his welcome at WSI and wants to contribute to the scathing of Jerry Owens.

Is there any indication that Jerry Owens has used the offseason to work on his bunting? If he could perfect this aspect of his game, he could be an All-Star in my opinion. What do you think?
-- John, Homewood

---

"If you look at our lineup and (Owens) is the first hitter, our lineup is going to be a lot better,'' Guillen said. "That's our expectation. We'll give (him) the shot to play every day and hopefully he can grab it and keep it and we don't have to worry anymore about a $100 million player.

---

"So far he's been great,'' Guillen said. "It's not about one game. It's about continuing to do it and get better and better. The opportunity is there and he knows it. Hopefully he does something about it."

--- Now, I sort of understand Brian Anderson getting the Brian Anderson treatment in 2007. Despite Erstad being a horrible baseball player, Anderson really is nothing special himself. He should have been given the job, but the level of obtuseness displayed by Ozzie and Kenny in that situation pales in comparison to this one.

I'm not even sure they know who Carlos Quentin is. I think they actually think they got Jeff Salazar in the deal or something. Do they know that Carlos' lowest OBP in the minors was .422? Do they know that Jerry Erstad never even slugged that high?

This organization is in the shitter because of this frame of mind. It's sad, but the success of 2005 is going to hurt this franchise for years to come. Kenny/Ozzie have lifetime passes and they think the key to success is: adequate offense and extremely above average pitching performances (i.e. anomalies, flukes).

I'm ready for a long year if Jerry is anywhere near the field.

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Knox College

I saw in another thread that you were going to school in a town more depressing than Rockford and I thought to myself, "Galesburg?" I was once an English major at Knox College myself. I wish I had some tips for making Galesburg more fun other than, "get drunk and/or stoned as often as possible," which was my modus operandi.

Embrace the notion of Knox Goggles, I guess. Take a Wednesday night seminar and two classes on Tuesday and Thursday so you can have the permanent 4-day weekend (I did that for two glorious terms). If you're interested in writing, take a class with Robin Metz. His small group sessions are just you and him and one other student at a bar and he picks up the tab. Good luck!

by Ryno on Mar 5, 2008 4:52 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

Metz

I'm actually taking Beginning Fiction Writing with Metz this spring.

I've been going through all the first-year bullshit with foreign language courses so I haven't had an ideal schedule. Two classes a day. Blech.

by Craig Grebeck on Mar 5, 2008 6:26 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Wow,

I was an English Major at Knox College too. Graduated last June, actually. I recommend classes with Monica Berlin too. She's the best overall teacher at that school.

Oh, and yes. Jerry Owens sucks. However, no one (besides Andy Gonzales) sucks more than Darin Erstad.

by AK on Mar 5, 2008 5:24 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

I don't know...

I have a feeling Owens could put up Erstad-ish numbers this season.

I'd be shocked if he slugs .350.

by Craig Grebeck on Mar 5, 2008 6:28 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Welcome to SSS

Bitter sarcasm pumps through our veins, you'll feel right at home. Enough about Owens, that's picking on the retarded kid. How many years do you think the OCab should get on his extension? For now, ignore the fact that he's an extra manager out there on the field.

"We're actually doing some different things at the top of the lineup, but our key is Jerry Owens being our center fielder and our leadoff guy" - JD

by ChicagoPete on Mar 5, 2008 6:22 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

OCab

Five years! Fuck draft picks! They're for wimps.

by Craig Grebeck on Mar 5, 2008 6:29 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Now grasshopper,

snatch the pebble from my hand. Contreras was devastated by personal issues that affected his game last year, but this year he's...

"We're actually doing some different things at the top of the lineup, but our key is Jerry Owens being our center fielder and our leadoff guy" - JD

by ChicagoPete on Mar 5, 2008 6:36 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Jose

He will rebound. Divorce = bad pitching. Lingering emotional damage = regain ace form.

I've read many studies that correlate the loss of a lover's embrace and the loss of a decent forkball and velocity.

by Craig Grebeck on Mar 5, 2008 6:47 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Well done

And finally, translate this:

"I don't know how good the percentage Owens is going to be safe (16-for-19 entering play Thursday). Fields is the second hitter, I got my third and my fourth hitter right behind him. If I move the guy over just because I feel I have a lot of confidence, I already have that game tied and have nothing to lose. The percentages, you never know. I'd rather play safe than feel sorry. I played safe twice and safe don't work, well, it's not my fault. I understand (the questions), but Owens isn't Rickey Henderson. He's a kid and he might get thrown out or have a bad jump. You see Owens steal second and third with two outs and have Konerko hitting? Those are the little things you have to worry about. ... I want to play safe. Besides that, Konerko and Dye are swinging well and that's what we're going to do."

"We're actually doing some different things at the top of the lineup, but our key is Jerry Owens being our center fielder and our leadoff guy" - JD

by ChicagoPete on Mar 5, 2008 7:03 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Translation

I don't pay attention to stats. Despite his skill set, I want to turn Josh Fields into a piranha. Nick Punto, if you will. Bunt bunt bunt bunt bunt. I trust my guys. Bunt.

by Craig Grebeck on Mar 5, 2008 7:11 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Bravo

You may now commence firing.

"We're actually doing some different things at the top of the lineup, but our key is Jerry Owens being our center fielder and our leadoff guy" - JD

by ChicagoPete on Mar 5, 2008 7:24 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

You'll fit right in, I reckon

draft pick indeed...who needs 'em?

-Jeeves Life in the Cell

by jeeves on Mar 5, 2008 11:47 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Does that mean he has

"retard strength"? If so, Yaay!

I wrote this song after I killed a drifter to get an erection.

by winningugly on Mar 5, 2008 6:39 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Rockford, eh?

I grew up a Sox fan in Cherry Valley. What High School do you hail from? The fact that you made it to college makes me think you avoided public schools, not many of us made it out of those.

Also, I love the name. I am surprised no one has mentioned the "Little Hurt" nickname yet.

by CatBrains on Mar 6, 2008 8:29 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

Actually

I'm from Machesney Park. We all just say Rockford since it's somewhat well known (for the wrong reasons).

I went to Harlem. Very few of us made it to college.

by Craig Grebeck on Mar 6, 2008 10:52 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Another Knox College grad

am I. Class of 2001. Mathematics major, my buds were all English majors. I hated their permanent 4 day weekends. When's flunk day going to be this year.

by jimgstl on Mar 6, 2008 12:48 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

One of us one of us one of ust

dude, that was totally not swish you saw on rush street last night. swish was at home playing xbox.

by colintj on Mar 6, 2008 6:59 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

Damn, a lot of Knox College guys

Too bad I'm not one. But don't even get me started on my school of choice, University of Chicago. "Chicoggles" don't even help, and getting drunk/stoned every day is required for sustenance. Man, I need baseball season to start.

by parkermo on Mar 7, 2008 6:26 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

My (former) bestest buddy

graduated in 1979. (He maried my ex-wife, but that's another story.) I went spring break in 1979 to a party at his dorm (Breckenridge, IIRC) and saw THE ugliest women since the Mezozoic Era. I quickly got so drunk I didn't remember the next 3 hours and was told I danced with every one of them.

I was carried up to my buddy's room and slept it off. He and his girl woke me up, then we piled into his car to drive back to Morton Grove (where our respective parents lived). On the way home, driving on the Dan Ryan at 4:30 AM I puked out his car window as we were doing 60 mph, with a CPD squad driving right along side of us. The cop was laughing his ass off.

My buddy drops me off at my house. I open the door, and my dog takes off down the street. My buddy is hosing down the side of his car, his girlfriend is laughing, and I'm staggering down the street chasing my dog.

U of C. Classic.

I wrote this song after I killed a drifter to get an erection.

by winningugly on Mar 7, 2008 7:23 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

that's nice

i'd like to hear the other story now.

by larry on Mar 8, 2008 11:27 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

I went to law school there.

Mesozoic era is putting it mildly. No amount of alcohol - not that there's a decent place to drink down there - can make the ladies look attractive. It's three years of my life that I've tried to block from my psyche.

by Winning is Fung on Mar 11, 2008 11:00 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

LOL

because it's true. Whew.

Few people know I am fueled creatively by my massive hatred of immigrants.

by winningugly on Mar 11, 2008 11:18 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

PS Is The Cove still around?

Few people know I am fueled creatively by my massive hatred of immigrants.

by winningugly on Mar 11, 2008 11:19 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

You mean Moe's Tavern?

Last I heard it was still there. Always looked like a good place to get stabbed. They opened up a Bar Louie where T.J.'s used to be (I heard Bobby Rush was pissed), so that's where the college kids now go to discuss Nietzsche.

The problem with the smoking ban in Chicago is that you can now smell the clientele when you walk into Jimmy's.

by Winning is Fung on Mar 11, 2008 11:27 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

the other story?

Oh...you mean the one where his mom finds him passed out with his pants around his ankles and a broomstick in his ass. You know, the one from last week.

"We're actually doing some different things at the top of the lineup, but our key is Jerry Owens being our center fielder and our leadoff guy" - JD

by ChicagoPete on Mar 9, 2008 6:50 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

Gee, Pete, thanks for adding

to the discourse.

Ae you miffed becuase Purdue was your Daddy last night and your former coach is breaking the rules at HARVARD?

Few people know I am fueled creatively by my massive hatred of immigrants.

by winningugly on Mar 10, 2008 10:42 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

You'll never be a screenwriter

C'mon, that was a totally generic "Wow, I got so totally wasted" story, you can do better than that. The cop was an interesting detail. Instead of him laughing at you, spice it up, have the cop go all Abner Louima on you. Now THAT'S a cool story!

"We're actually doing some different things at the top of the lineup, but our key is Jerry Owens being our center fielder and our leadoff guy" - JD

by ChicagoPete on Mar 10, 2008 11:31 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs