Sox Machine: Turning bad baseball into good works

I figured maybe some corporations could turn failure on the field into aid for those in need by sponsoring the less-than-stellar events we've come to know and despise. Here are a few examples in order of frequency:

$5: "...and Uribe strikes out tomahawk swinging. And as you know, with every high fastball Juan swings at, Lenscrafters will donate $5 to White Sox charities. The next time you're thinking about eye-high fashion, think Lenscrafters."

$10: "...the throw to first, and that's it for the Sox. No runs, ho hits, no errors, and with every 1-2-3 inning, Sylvan Learning Centers will donate $10 to White Sox charities."

$20: "...that's ball four, and the fans aren't happy about that. I'll tell ya who's happy -- the fine folks at White Sox Charities thanks to Southwest Airlines, who will donate $20 for that late-inning walk. Southwest Airlines offers more nonstop flights from Midway to Charlotte, Birmingham and dozens of other U.S. destinations."

$50: "...BA's down swinging on a low-and-away slider for strike three, and with that swing, Jared Galleria of Jewelry will donate $50 to White Sox charities. Jared reminds you that if you're thinking about going down on one knee for someone in your life, Jared offers the widest selection of rings..."

$100: "...and this ballgame is over. A fine pitching performance by Javier Vazquez wasted, and with every outstanding effort that goes for naught, U-Haul will donate $100 to White Sox charities. If you're packing up on short notice, U-Haul has a variety of options..."

3 days ago The Wizard Comment 5 comments 1 recs |

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dammit jim, my stomach can't take any more laughing!

btw, jim got a few more from chip ramsey:

It looks like Mark Buehrle just got taken out deep again. That’s $50 to White Sox Charities from your neighborhood Applebees, reminding you that when you want to take your sweetie out to a place with a deep menu, come visit Applebee’s today.

That error by Paul Konerko means $75 to White Sox charities from Jarad Jewelers. Remember, don’t bobble the bauble, come to Jared’s.

Our final score, Twins 13, Sox 1. And for every Sox stinker this season, Waste Management will donate $100 to White Sox Charities.

Looks like another great pitching performance was wasted today. For every wasted performance, Miller Lite will give $100 to White Sox charities. When you want to get wasted, drink Miller Lite.

For every time Octavio Dote, Boone Logan or Mike MacDougal get lit up in 2008, Commonwealth Edison will donate $500 to White Sox charities.

It looks like Phil Cuzzi just blew another call again which means a donation of $100 to White Sox charities from the Stevie Wonder foundation to help the blind.

The greatest trick the White Sox ever pulled was convincing their fan base that "Ozzieball" ever existed.

by The Wizard on May 8, 2008 6:53 PM CDT reply reply 0 recs

Jim is truly THE MAN

They don’t pay you enough, sir.

I took the "under".

by winningugly on May 8, 2008 8:07 PM CDT reply reply 0 recs

Perschina sent to Kannapolis - Fernando Hernandez to the DL

The Chicago White Sox and Birmingham Barons have announced multiple roster moves effective immediately on Thursday, May 8.
With pitcher Joe Winkelsas due to arrive in Montgomery for tonight’s game with the Biscuits, a move was necessary to reduce the active roster to 24.

INF Joe Perschina has been transferred to Kannapolis

In addition, the White Sox announced that they have signed former Cubs product Ryan O’Malley (LHP) to a minor league contract and he has been assigned to Birmingham. To offset the move, RHP Fernando Hernandez has been placed on the DL.

http://www.oursportscentral.com/services/releases/?id=3637371

seems Perschina was sent to b’ham a week ago

The greatest trick the White Sox ever pulled was convincing their fan base that "Ozzieball" ever existed.

by The Wizard on May 8, 2008 10:24 PM CDT reply reply 0 recs