Carlos Quentin's 'Joke of the Day'
by The Wizard on Jun 19, 2008 4:05 PM CDT
in White Sox News
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Disappointing
He went to Stanford and all he gives us was that. Very disappointing.
Damn, I thought it was very Stanford-like
Did you want calculus?
He is so unassuming. However, he sounds like a gangsta. (How YOU doin’?)
CWS: Slashing negative expectations since May, 2008.
"I wish I were a derivative..."
“so I could be tangent to your curves.”
Never trust a big butt and a smile.
Sox Machine
You are quite suave and debonair
with the honeys, SM.
Lotta tail up in Upstate NY, I bet! Otter, if I’m correct.
CWS: Slashing negative expectations since May, 2008.
yeah. it's called grade inflation.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 4:29 PM CDT up reply actions
The green-eyed monster raises his ugly head
and it ain’t Russell.
CWS: Slashing negative expectations since May, 2008.
i wish i would have thought about leaving the midwest back then.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 4:36 PM CDT up reply actions
wouldn't know anything about that at U-Dub...
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
yes. you must be willing to have your team name simply be a color and your mascot be a tree.
They're gonna give daddy the Rain Man suite, you dig that?
pirates pitching...the cure for what ails ya
3 games, 44 hits (.403 avg.), 37 runs, 13 doubles, 10 hr, 13 walks, 2 hpb, 20 runners per game.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
We're hitting .400+!
When is the last time a team sustained that for a whole season? Was it the Sawx of ‘67? You know who hit .500 that year?
It’s the HBP that bother me. We didn’t retaliate. Pusses.
CWS: Slashing negative expectations since May, 2008.
Speaking of HBP, you all have probably seen this, but until today I never had. Wildly funny.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=nSxFl3le25o
Pitching, defense, health.
first time viewer, myself. that was hilarious, though everything is funnier when set to yakety sax.
They're gonna give daddy the Rain Man suite, you dig that?
No sound on my computer.
I can’t imagine it being funnier.
Pitching, defense, health.
SSH isn't the only one to spend some time on BCB
found this just trolling through my account
good times.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
You just provide the inspiration
BTW, I agree with larry – get on that woman of yours. It’s been at least 5-6 weeks. Fer Chrissakes.
CWS: Slashing negative expectations since May, 2008.
HE STOLE THAT FROM ROBOT CHICKEN
or…you know. maybe it’s just an old joke or something. BUT STILL!
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
he could of done a better job with the punchline
ive seen people kind of act like they riding something wild and fast and say, woah, slow down! woohh, woahh!
the, wee, was kind of weak
Predictions on this weekend?
Friday: John Danks, LHP (4-4, 2.90) Ted Lilly, LHP (7-5, 4.76)<br />Saturday: Jose Contreras, RHP (6-5, 3.24) Jason Marquis, RHP (5-3, 4.24)
Sunday: Javier Vazquez, RHP (7-5, 4.13) @ Ryan Dempster, RHP (8-2, 2.76)
The Sox should have the advantage in every pitching matchup ( I just can’t believe that Dempster is this good ).
sunday's as good a time as any to turn them around.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 4:58 PM CDT up reply actions
Dempster being in there, regardless of the numbers...
is still better than if the Sox had to face Zambrano.
less likely to result in suspensions, too.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 5:08 PM CDT up reply actions
He of the career .305 BABIP,
with an ‘08 .224 BABIP.
Pitching, defense, health.
I am effin' blacked out of the Rays/Cubs game
but Foxsports.com just showed me why I love Carl Crawford. The Rays fans must be louder than a tractor pull at The Trop.
CWS: Slashing negative expectations since May, 2008.
Plane ride home won't be much fun.
7 run 7th for the Rays, 8 – 3 now.
Pitching, defense, health.
dawgs
Friday, June 20Game 11—No. 8 Georgia (43-23-1) vs. Stanford (41-23-2), 1 p.m. CT (ESPN2/ESPN360)
The greatest trick the White Sox ever pulled was convincing their fan base that "Ozzieball" ever existed.
Thank you Carl Crawford
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
How's this for a relief appearance?
Marmol
IP 0.0
H 0
R 4
ER 4
BB 2
HBP 2
K 0
Pitching, defense, health.
To be replaced by:
Eyre
IP 0.1
H 4
R 3
ER 3
BB 0
K 0
HR 1
Pitching, defense, health.
How great is that?
Cubs lose their first three games in a row and Zambrano will miss his next start and he is scheduled to undergo a MRI tomorrow.
2-2 in the 5th, Jorge De La Rosa with 8 K's through 4 IP
by hitlesswonder on Jun 19, 2008 9:32 PM CDT up reply actions
So he doesn't completely suck
fascinating
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
once the sox crowned his ass, there was no going back.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 9:36 PM CDT up reply actions
10 K through 5 for DLR
that really isn’t a very scary Cleveland lineup without Pronk and Martinez, that’s for sure.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
True
But my new favorite non-Sox pitcher came back from 3-0 to K Sizemore. Certainly incongruous given his 6.45 ERA…
Cleveland does seem to be in trouble. The lineup has only 3 above average bats in it right now. And if Byrd/Sowers/Laffey falter (I guess Sowers already has been) it will be pretty bleak.
by hitlesswonder on Jun 19, 2008 9:46 PM CDT up reply actions
Their season rests on Byrd Sowers and Laffey?
I feel pretty good about my 70%.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
Help is on the way...
Indians acquired catcher Sal Fasano from the Braves for a player to be named.
The Indians wanted someone better than Yamid Haad to back up Kelly Shoppach while Victor Martinez is out. Fasano will take over the role now. It’s doubtful that the team gave up a legitimate prospect to get him.
Haha.
So I assume you've come around on the notion that maybe
DLR doesn’t completely suck?
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
Nope...
His career numbers are awful and the Indians have a lineup of scrubs that managed to score 3 runs off of him.
That's not the argument being made.
Pay. Attention.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
I am paying attention...
Your argument is that De La Rosa doesn’t completely suck…
Yet, he does completely suck according to his numbers this season and in his career.
‘Nuff said.
He's K'ing more than 9/game
what definition of “completely suck” are you using? It’s broken. I sent you a link and you can’t even read what’s in front of you?
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
do not confuse can't and don't want to.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 10:23 PM CDT up reply actions
it's my fault.
should have just read my sig
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
When the Rockies dump his ass when the season is over...
you will be too embarrassed to mention his name every again.
his career is OVA.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 10:25 PM CDT up reply actions
so do you think "doesn't completely suck" = good?
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 10:29 PM CDT up reply actions
false dichotomy!
i think that’s what it’s called
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
Can I just call you
Monsignor Non Sequitur?
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
10 K at Coors with nothing but ground ball outs.
If he did that at against AAA hitters, it would still be an impressive feat that suggested he had significant upside. Pair that with control and you have a good pitcher. Not to mention his career peripherals aren’t awful.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
First funny thing you've ever wrote.
"I would rather have a battalion of German soldiers in front of me than a platoon of French soldiers behind me."
by Where Triples Go to Die on Jun 20, 2008 12:56 AM CDT up reply actions
phew. my first funny post beat your first intelligent/coherent post. what a relief!
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 20, 2008 11:55 AM CDT up reply actions
Really want to bring up intelligence?
I can go back and bring up some of your preseason predictions…
"I would rather have a battalion of German soldiers in front of me than a platoon of French soldiers behind me."
by Where Triples Go to Die on Jun 20, 2008 4:50 PM CDT up reply actions
the fact that you think... making predictions ahead of a baseball season
making predictions ahead of a baseball season somehow reflects intelligence says it all.
in·tel·li·gence –noun
1. capacity for learning, reasoning, understanding, and similar forms of mental activity; aptitude in grasping truths, relationships, facts, meanings, etc.
2. manifestation of a high mental capacity: He writes with intelligence and wit.
3. the faculty of understanding.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 20, 2008 6:05 PM CDT up reply actions
common opponents so far.
cubs 16-8 (.667): PIT 9-3, COL 5-1, TOR 2-1, TB 0-3
sox 7-10 (.412): PIT 3-0, COL 1-2, TOR 0-4, TB 3-4
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
no idea. was just throwing it out there as trivia, not really to take much from it.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 9:46 PM CDT up reply actions
I think we'll probably lose 2 of 3.
Though it was nice of the Rays to give us a book on how to take out the Cubs’ bats.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
should we bother showing up?
The greatest trick the White Sox ever pulled was convincing their fan base that "Ozzieball" ever existed.
BA is going for the North Side hotties
by hitlesswonder on Jun 19, 2008 9:50 PM CDT up reply actions
*North Side Sorostitutes
fixed
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
wait a daggum minute.
there’s a chance. the world’s greatest offense has put up only 9 runs in their last 3 games.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 9:53 PM CDT up reply actions
no.
there is no chance. did you not read my post? it’s ova. the sox are cooked. stick a fork in them. o-v-a. ova.
i guess that makes sense.
the season has been over for about a month, right?
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 9:56 PM CDT up reply actions
LARRY SAYS OVA
ps it’s ova
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
3-2 lead, thanks to Matt Holliday single and Casey Blake's error
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
Sowers is getting lucky too
He’s given up 8 hits through 4 1/3 and he’s even on GO/FO.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
Pitchers are a mystery
I expected Sowers to be Buehrle-lite. He had a 1.2 WHIP as a rookie in 2006 in 88 IP and yet has fared quite poorly since then. I never would have guessed this would happen.
by hitlesswonder on Jun 19, 2008 9:50 PM CDT up reply actions
delve a little deeper into the numbers.
check out the k rate. you ain’t gonna keep a whip that low with those numbers.
yeah, you end up with a garland-esque 1.47
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 9:54 PM CDT up reply actions
yeah, he may wish to consider striking more people out.
i’m glad the sox got rid of that guy when they did.
he must be doing something right (carrying a four leaf clover, perhaps)
to have such a low K rate, high WHIP, higher than career avg BABIP, and still end up with a 102 ERA+.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 10:04 PM CDT up reply actions
check out the ridiculous increase in his GB rate
and the commensurately ridiculous drop in his FB rate.
anywhere to easily find how many GIDP he's induced?
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 10:09 PM CDT up reply actions
16 so far, if DP = double plays on THT's site
Puts him on pace to best 28, which is the best he’s had over his previous four seasons.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
how is he doing that?
he doesn’t have a single decent pitch that has any kind of sink
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
Yeah yeah! Sure sure!
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
someone's gotta represent!
...them legally
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
reese witherspoon is on her way.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 10:19 PM CDT up reply actions
WONT SOMEONE THINK OF THE CELEBRITIES?!?
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
weak effort on our part
the ladies from our building started chasing away the guy busting up the woman before i got there and we couldn’t chase him down or get a look at him. i shouldn’t have posted; spotted him too much of a head start.
Yeah he's getting seriously lucky
4.74 FIP according to THT
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
it'll be interesting to see who signs him
and for what kind of money. he’s exactly the sort of guy who’s gotten severely overpaid for in the past. he won’t be Zito, but perhaps Zito-lite?
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
Sowers has both K rate and GB rate issues
He’s more like Paul Byrd lite. Laffey has better GB stuff, iirc and has better long term potential. Both are rather fringy.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
i had you pegged for a pay day kinda guy.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
How do you mend a broken jack o' lantern? -- with a pumpkin patch.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 9:57 PM CDT up reply actions
Vaudeville's dead, Toonder
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
BTW
DLR just gave up a dong to Blake to tie the game, but I also noticed he’s got 8 GO to 0 FO today. He’s got good good stuff.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
4-3 on a Baker HR
Thank you, random guy.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
Haha
Paul Byrd had a pornography addiction.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
thank you, Ms. Rockies Sideline Reporter Girl
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
Looks like the Rockies are gonna chase Sowers pretty shortly
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
bleh
line drive right at Peralta.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
5-3 Rox with 2 and 3, 1 out.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
Hawpe up with bases juiced
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
Sweet succulent tautology.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
how many jobs did you work when you didn't have to?
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 10:32 PM CDT up reply actions
SSH has been working since he was 4 years old.
he wasn’t handed nothin’ like the rest of you silver spooners.
caddying paid for catholic school?
who were you carrying bags for, harold baines?
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 10:35 PM CDT up reply actions
are you trying to say SSH didn't pull himself up by his own bootstraps?
cuz, like, eff you man.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
not at all.
i’ve worked since my early teens have never stopped. but i sure the eff wouldn’t have if i didn’t have to. that was my point.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 10:40 PM CDT up reply actions
i think i've been pretty cognizant of my privilege for a long time
my parents have long been at least indulgent, if not overly so, of me. don’t know what more is expected of me in that regard, though, other than to be supremely thankful.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
man servant is on it, i thought i told you
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
i don't blame you a bit, even if i give you shit about it occasionally.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 10:43 PM CDT up reply actions
Caddying is great money...
I was making $50 bucks a bag for 18 holes and we double-carried by the time I was 16.
$100 bucks for four and a half hours of work isn’t bad.
hell no, it isn't especially at 16.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 10:38 PM CDT up reply actions
the tan, workout and the cash?
SSH was getting hella tang, I bet.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
YOU STICK THE WHAT IN THE WHERE?!
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
16 playing 007? Psh
At 16 I was mastering Virtual Tennis for Sega Dreamcast.
by Ozzie Montana on Jun 19, 2008 10:42 PM CDT up reply actions
There's a reason you see...
old pathetic geezers still caddying at many private golf courses around Chicago.
hall pass into the catholic schools.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 10:44 PM CDT up reply actions
awwww yeaaaah
you know what’s great about high school girls?
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
this is why i don't ask too many rhetorical questions around here
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
the last 10 or so comments was as entertaining a read as i've had here in a while.
They're gonna give daddy the Rain Man suite, you dig that?
by MarketMaker on Jun 19, 2008 10:54 PM CDT up reply actions
aw baby you know i'm only here for you
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
actual el guapo postings aside, i assume?
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 10:55 PM CDT up reply actions
he does good work, but it's when dialogue goes in a completely different direction than i expected with multiple punchlines. that's where the big-time chuckles are.
They're gonna give daddy the Rain Man suite, you dig that?
by MarketMaker on Jun 19, 2008 10:57 PM CDT up reply actions
ah, yes. rip chisox11.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 10:57 PM CDT up reply actions
hold on a sec...
ah here we are. pours a little out
IMA MISS U CHISOX
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
he kept is so damn real, you know? and, well, damn it, give me a second to compose myself.
They're gonna give daddy the Rain Man suite, you dig that?
by MarketMaker on Jun 19, 2008 11:00 PM CDT up reply actions
everybody else is just playing for second with TAEG around
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
I actually am partial to Sox Machine
but AEG is a hoot.
CWS: Slashing negative expectations since May, 2008.
by winningugly on Jun 20, 2008 11:45 AM CDT up reply actions
Things cost money...
How could I not have a job?
I paid for high school (Catholic) and college (DePaul).
You got something on your shoulder there.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
that's right.
i was cleaning animal cages at lincoln park zoo when i was 15. and i’m not embarassed to admit it. you gotta put food on the table. that’s somethin’ these patricians will never understand.
why didn't you just have your man servant do it for you?
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
Not my fault you hadn't read the OED cover to cover by age 3.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
And down the stretch they come!
Flailing Failure inches a head! No, it’s Seriously Guys I Suck! Failure! Suck! Failure! Suck!
AND ITS FAILURE BY A NOSE
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
it really should be double suck considering the injuries.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 10:28 PM CDT up reply actions
If the Twins are really that bad...
than the Sox should be embarrassed by only having a 4.5 game lead, right?
why should they be embarassed?
teams get lucky. and the sox aren’t a great team. they shouldn’t be blowing out .500 teams or something. i think the sox are just fine with leading the division by a pretty wide margin for this time of the season.
I forget, do the Sox play 162 games against the Twins?
Or is it just 19? It’s one of the two, but I’m ever so forgetful.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
I don't usually read the comments on non-game/recap threads...
but damn this one is hilarious. fine job by all.
*gets yanked by giant hook stage right*
DADA dadadada DA DA!
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
barring something unexpected, looks like we get the full game on the Tribe
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
just heard sox-cubs are 30-30 in the series with 291 runs scored each.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
that's kind of disappointing
we’ve been the better team over the years, iirc?
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
mildly disappointing.
not nearly as disappointing as larry’s failure to apprehend the criminal outside his building, though.
Half Dome is my bitch. Shasta is next.
by Toonderstrook on Jun 19, 2008 10:53 PM CDT up reply actions
no kidding
he’s got at least 70 speed according to opposing prosecutors.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
the cops got him. it's not hard to discern who the culprit is when
1) the lady claims she doesn’t know who did it to her when she was immediately outside her building and arguing with the person prior to the beat down and 2) the guy came back to their shared apartment.
I predict a CSI moment in your building
in
And maybe involving the couple in question.
CWS: Slashing negative expectations since May, 2008.
by winningugly on Jun 20, 2008 11:44 AM CDT up reply actions
these people don't live in my building.
and the only CSI moments that will happen in mine are figuring out which old lady died this week.
Hey, part of my post disappeared
Should’ve said “in
I don’t care if they live there or not. You are a violence magnet. Ye reap what ye sow, hostile one.
CWS: Slashing negative expectations since May, 2008.
I didn't realize Fuentes gets it in about 93 according to Gameday
It’s usually slower on the broadcast guns.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
Dear SSH
Just for shits and giggles, I put DLR on my fantasy roster while Paulie’s DL’d.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
Dear SSH
Just for shits and giggles, I put DLR on my fantasy roster while Paulie’s DL’d.
are you trying to use stats around here? what the fuck do you think this is? - MM
Reading your signature 4 times in a row gets the message through
I like chuckling at things that are in print.
by Ozzie Montana on Jun 19, 2008 11:24 PM CDT up reply actions
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