We Love You Scotty Pods, But Not In That Way
by The Cheat on Oct 18, 2009 10:44 PM CDT
in Satire
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PrintDear Scott -- I know we usually call you 'Scotty Pods' or 'Peter Pan' or some other cute nickname like that, but we didn't feel it was appropriate for a letter of such importance
This is gonna be hard for us to say. I mean we really like you... even if you do get on our nerves with all your poor defensive routes and frustratingly inept baserunning blunders. But, well, we just don't want you to be one of our starting outfielders next year, and we could never picture a future for the White Sox with you in the DH role. It would be terrible if we let a little thing like a few million dollars, a few hundred at-bats and starting position come between us. We knew you would understand. You always do.
You've always been there for us, and we love you for that. Remember when Bobby blew the lead in game 2 and you bitchmade Brad Lidge? or just this season when we were feeling down, and didn't have a single outfielder who could field the ball and hold his own at the plate for any extended period of time? You were there for us, and it means the world to us. Really, it does. I don't think we could ever truly express what our time together has meant to us.
But there comes a time in every relationship when you have to look in the mirror and ask yourself 'Where is this going? Is there really any future for us?' Unfortunately, we just don't think of you that way. We're sorry. At this point in our relationship, we're just looking for different things. We want a championship contender and you want playing time and a place in our starting lineup; those two objectives would seem to be mutually exclusive.
You can still be our 4th outfielder. You really are the best 4th outfielder we've ever had, and we'd hate to lose that, especially over a silly thing like playing time.
Your stutter step will always make us smile. You're grindy and all the girls think you're cute. You should have no trouble finding yourself another team. But please know we will always be here, willing to give you a minor league contract and a non-roster invite.
Signed,
Your Biggest Fans
SouthSideSox
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Grindy
"Awarding a difference maker on the field - and in the community at large - has always been baseball's version of a home run." ~Stephen A. Smith
rec'd for this and for getting laid (so i hear)
i'm alex rios' last fan
by onlysoxfaninboston on Oct 17, 2009 6:41 PM CDT reply actions
recd
can someone fwd this to Jerry and Kenny?
Dodgers first, for Jim Thome. If not them, then the Rockies for Todd Helton.
Not neccessary.
Jerry, Kenny, and Ozzie visit this site fairly often.
Hmm - I seem to remember this comment coming from someone
"Totally. Just imagine getting double-dinged by Scott and Mark…. "
"ass hole thi is the same line up whit leftys you idiot"
Fail.
Sorry for mot kissing your ass here, but I didn’t find it funny or cute at all. Stick to the news.
and October is a month rife with news for non-playoff teams
because there’s no unwritten rule about making major announcements during the playoffs.
Twitter: @SouthSideCheat
SouthSideSox on Facebook
Didn't you hear?
A-Rod wants a new contract. Sorry, Boston.
"wordy and overly verbose."
by larry on Jul 3, 2009 3:43 PM CDT
by Black Sox Baseball on Oct 18, 2009 12:45 PM CDT up reply actions
Seriously, just how many Tinley Park bitches did the Cheat bag?
The 2009 White Sox....like a 40 degree day.
by Ozzie Montana on Oct 17, 2009 11:07 PM CDT up reply actions
Lost count
It was like Girls Gone Wild TP edition
i'm celebrating the slaughter of the indigenous peoples of the western hemisphere.
what the fuck are you doing? - larry
by Scotty Ballgame on Oct 18, 2009 9:12 AM CDT up reply actions
there was onw with Sox logos on her jeans
match made in heaven.
hog heaven.
In Minnesota, when 11,000 people are in the Dome, you feel like you are at an especially depressing demolition derby. -Joe Posnanski
The blonde with the tounge-stud caught a fair amount of attention,
as did the svelte red-head, but I digress…
You look him square in the eye and tell him "Yes Sir, the check is in the mail"
by DrEmilioLizardo on Oct 18, 2009 9:50 PM CDT up reply actions
I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLLLLY
hate the post-web 2.0 use of the word “fail”
fucking kids today — rebel by taking drugs or listing to metalcore, not by talking like infants
signature
i agree, but most of us HAVE moved on and are exclusively using "FIAL"
2009: Not with a bang but a whimper.
Yes, AND we're taking drugs.
So there, billy!
by homesickalien on Oct 18, 2009 12:10 PM CDT up reply actions
For my part, I hate the excessive use of repetition.
You look him square in the eye and tell him "Yes Sir, the check is in the mail"
by DrEmilioLizardo on Oct 19, 2009 8:47 AM CDT up reply actions
you can't please all of the people, all of the time.
reports from friday indicate cheat’s capacity is somewhere around 4.
you try drinking as many gallons of swill as cheat did and then write something inspired.
not a bad piece considering the circumstances. <———- this phrase applies to many facets of cheats TP experience.
In Minnesota, when 11,000 people are in the Dome, you feel like you are at an especially depressing demolition derby. -Joe Posnanski
so Pods makes a Faustian deal for his soul at least twice in the last five years and all he gets is guff?
well i don’t believe in God, but i do believe in Scotty Pods and his infinite well of youth.
2009: Not with a bang but a whimper.
I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze
"Awarding a difference maker on the field - and in the community at large - has always been baseball's version of a home run." ~Stephen A. Smith
That movie is over rated.
The Boogeyman cometh
by omnipotent grab on Oct 18, 2009 12:59 PM CDT up reply actions
nope, pretty mixed reviews when it came out...
http://www.metacritic.com/video/titles/usualsuspects?q=usual%20suspects
if you’re talking about the imdb crowd, then here’s a handy list of ALL the most overrated movies of all time (at least everything post 1980):
http://www.imdb.com/chart/top?tt0114814
2009: Not with a bang but a whimper.
I find the vast majority of top 100 lists to be pretty silly
And IMDB’s is one of the less silly ones, albeit there are 50-100 movies that shouldn’t be on there and the French Connection gets shafted by idiots and what have you, still I don’t think you’ll go wrong with Shawshank, Fight Club, Departed, No Country, There Will be Blood, The Prestige, Memento, and Se7en ~ to pick a few. You’ll sure as hell go wrong if you watch Return of the King though.
"Awarding a difference maker on the field - and in the community at large - has always been baseball's version of a home run." ~Stephen A. Smith
rubbish
shawshank – sentimental rubbish: Fight Club – misanthropic bag of shite; Departed – lol tableau for ridiculous overacting; No country – too much sand: the rest are all fucking rubbish too.
Yeah, in the old days we'd watch movies and they'd be awesome!
Then 1980 came and bam everything sucked perpetually. Just like those assholes that didn’t let Jim Rice in the hall of fame faster, seriously he’s Jim Rice, who gives as hit about OBP. I for one watch the games and then determine what makes people score, and 100% of the time its the guys who are clutch and hit with runners in scoring position, not those fatasses that clog the bases.
"Awarding a difference maker on the field - and in the community at large - has always been baseball's version of a home run." ~Stephen A. Smith
I bet you really hate beaches and deserts.
Look yonder, fellow SSSers. 2010 looms bright!
And fns. -wu
right, 40% of the list is a joke. in my book, that's not a good list.
2009: Not with a bang but a whimper.
Virtually every top 100 list is going to have some braindead choices
Scientific fact
"Awarding a difference maker on the field - and in the community at large - has always been baseball's version of a home run." ~Stephen A. Smith
It has specific breakdowns for each vote, you don't really have to pay attention to the 250 itself
"Awarding a difference maker on the field - and in the community at large - has always been baseball's version of a home run." ~Stephen A. Smith
Only has 119 fewer career hits than Harold Baines
i'm celebrating the slaughter of the indigenous peoples of the western hemisphere.
what the fuck are you doing? - larry
by Scotty Ballgame on Oct 18, 2009 1:45 PM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
hard to say a sure hall of famer is overrated.
If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be -- Yogi Berra
And yet there he was getting praise for failing to even attempt an inning-ending double play last night
Twitter: @SouthSideCheat
SouthSideSox on Facebook
whenever someone criticizes the great derek jeter, people immediately jump to the guy's defense.
deflect it, change the subject. you just did it. jeter fucked up. what alexei or someone else would do is entirely irrelevant.
Kinda hard to say someone is or isn't overrated if not compared to others.
Jeter is a great ballplayer. He’s not perfect, nor overrated.
If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be -- Yogi Berra
so you compare derek jeter, who you called a sure hall of famer, with alexei ramirez.
makes perfect sense.
his peers have named him the most overrated player multiple times. i’m guessing they were comparing him to others.
The SI player's polls are a joke.
The same players voted he and A-rod as the top 2 players they would build a new team around. You’re the genius that said a hall of fame player was overrrated. Compare him to any shortstop in his era you choose, he’s not overrated.
If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be -- Yogi Berra
Alex Rodriguez.
Gee, that was easy.
The 2009 White Sox....like a 40 degree day.
by Ozzie Montana on Oct 19, 2009 1:29 AM CDT up reply actions
Defensively there's quite a few
And eh, Pedroia’s arguably in his “era,” he’s already had a season better than most of Jeter’s by WAR.
"Awarding a difference maker on the field - and in the community at large - has always been baseball's version of a home run." ~Stephen A. Smith
by Carbiner on Oct 19, 2009 7:47 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Woops missed one of the best players in the majors
Hanley Ramirez
"Awarding a difference maker on the field - and in the community at large - has always been baseball's version of a home run." ~Stephen A. Smith
Who wouldnt want Arod as a teammate?
Maybe Arod received a lot of votes from opposing hitters who appreciated the way he would tip off pitches when he was a Ranger…alegedly
i'm celebrating the slaughter of the indigenous peoples of the western hemisphere.
what the fuck are you doing? - larry
by Scotty Ballgame on Oct 19, 2009 8:09 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
you're right. silly me.
he’s the best player who ever happened.
http://www.firejoemorgan.com/2008/04/ozzie-guillen-wants-derek-jeter-inside.html
Das
For reals question: would Jeter’s life be better, in the eyes of Ozzie and people like him, if Jeter had a super hot wife? Like Alba or someone? Or is the mystery and majesty of widespread single-dude starlet/model boning so vicariously alluring that it’s an essential part of his celebrated Jeterdom?
"Awarding a difference maker on the field - and in the community at large - has always been baseball's version of a home run." ~Stephen A. Smith
In retrospect its a 9 and not a 10
gasp
"Awarding a difference maker on the field - and in the community at large - has always been baseball's version of a home run." ~Stephen A. Smith
If Pods is on the team, he'll start
Either as DH or OF. You can’t put him on an Ozzie Guillen team and expect that Scott will be used as a reserve. This is like an echo of Erstad signing, in which people thought he would be an OK 4th OF but of course ended up starting until his body blew up. Re-signing Scott would be almost exactly like that, but without the defense.
Hee.
"his ballerness could not be stoped which rose his era to 5.42 "
by Chiburb on Oct 18, 2009 10:04 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
Congrats to Cheat, way to sew your loins in TP!
"Jenks, who was never afraid to say "no" to a hamburger..."
by BobbySouthSide on Oct 18, 2009 11:44 AM CDT reply actions
"sew your loins" ?
Damn, sounds painful.
by ReservoirDog on Oct 18, 2009 2:43 PM CDT up reply actions
BSS, how did your wife do in the marathon last weekend?
I ran with some folks this morning who were there – said it was damn cold running.
I was a Catholic boy, Redeemed through pain, not through joy - Jim Carroll
She kicked some ass!
It wasn’t too cold, I could see how some pansy floridians would disagree – but actually a good temp. to run in. By the half-way point it was about 45-50 degrees, so not terrible. She finished in just under 5 hours. First marathon and also running with a plate and seven screws in her ankle. So not bad at all.
She cramped up around mile 23 and had to walk a bit, that hurt her time. I coordinated all the family in making sure we had most of the last 13 miles covered. I also ran with her from mile 18-20. She got pretty sore the next day as her ankle (with the screws) and knee swelled up pretty big. After some icing, she was fine on Tuesday.
I can see how people get really amped up for it. I hate running (usually get bored), but I could definitely see myself running in one.
Her next goal is the Chicago Triathlon. I might do it with her….
Thanks for asking!
"Jenks, who was never afraid to say "no" to a hamburger..."
by BobbySouthSide on Oct 19, 2009 10:53 AM CDT up reply actions
Give her my best - she sounds like she toughed it out.
And sure, FL folks are pansies. It was all of 48 here yesterday when we ran 14 and all I heard about was how cold it was.
I was a Catholic boy, Redeemed through pain, not through joy - Jim Carroll
by winningugly on Oct 19, 2009 12:45 PM CDT up reply actions
you should be a little more understanding.
you’re just lucky at your age to not have circulation problems.
"At my age" and "understanding" (empathy)
are mutually exclusive.
I was a Catholic boy, Redeemed through pain, not through joy - Jim Carroll
Yeah
I saw some runners really toughening it out! Like running on one leg and dragging the other one, knees swollen through leg braces, runners with ankles the size of grapefruits. Insane…these people I am sure couldn’t walk last week and certainly did some long-term damage.
14 miles is about it for me…I can do the half-marathons, but 26.2 takes its toll on the body.
"Jenks, who was never afraid to say "no" to a hamburger..."
by BobbySouthSide on Oct 19, 2009 1:20 PM CDT up reply actions
oh. look. billy whining about a lack of a recap again.
a bunch of people went to a bar, drank and watched baseball. riveting.
oh look, it's larry, and he's in what appears to be some sort of sour mood
It must be [monday/tuesday/wednesday/thursday/friday/saturday/sunday]
signature
"watched baseball" is being a bit generous
none of us saw Thome get his hit, and that was early in the night
Twitter: @SouthSideCheat
SouthSideSox on Facebook
sorry. was going for pith.
the term “baseball” obviously does not include whatever it is the national league does.
Speak for your own damn self...
I saw Thome get his hit, in what is turning into a sad series for LA.
You look him square in the eye and tell him "Yes Sir, the check is in the mail"
by DrEmilioLizardo on Oct 18, 2009 9:48 PM CDT up reply actions
*The Legend of the TP Meetup
"...a mouth without grinders is like a mill without grindstone,"
-Don Quixote
by SkanchoDanza on Oct 18, 2009 3:13 PM CDT up reply actions
If we are going to start cliques,
I invite all Florida AARP-eligible posters to my house for a contest, seeing who can hold his/her piss longer without utilizing FlowMax.
We don’t need to be part of your effing TP drunkfest.
PS I like the Podsy letter.
I was a Catholic boy, Redeemed through pain, not through joy - Jim Carroll
there are two floridas
wu’s florida of the elderly, and the drug addled florida of stoned youth and strippers.
In Minnesota, when 11,000 people are in the Dome, you feel like you are at an especially depressing demolition derby. -Joe Posnanski
I read that Florida has net loss in population for the first time in 100 years or something
Is that do to the first group dying off in greater numbers or that the second group is moving elsewhere for cheaper drugs and strippers
i'm celebrating the slaughter of the indigenous peoples of the western hemisphere.
what the fuck are you doing? - larry
by Scotty Ballgame on Oct 19, 2009 9:09 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
It is the rising Alligator attacks.
and backlash from people in Miami seeing David Caruso around town, all the damn time. Wouldnt that make you move?
You look him square in the eye and tell him "Yes Sir, the check is in the mail"
by DrEmilioLizardo on Oct 19, 2009 10:06 AM CDT up reply actions
That's because David Caruso is the Derek Jeter of actors
He’s the perfect actor. I tune into CSI just for the opening scene
i'm celebrating the slaughter of the indigenous peoples of the western hemisphere.
what the fuck are you doing? - larry
by Scotty Ballgame on Oct 19, 2009 10:25 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
David Caruso is the William Shatner of our generation.
You look him square in the eye and tell him "Yes Sir, the check is in the mail"
by DrEmilioLizardo on Oct 19, 2009 10:38 AM CDT up reply actions
Yes.
Not that the crashing job/real estate markets, poor educational system, unchecked immigration, and traffic/overcrowding have anything to do with it, either.
I was a Catholic boy, Redeemed through pain, not through joy - Jim Carroll
My apologies. If I hadn't overslept for the meetup by about five hours, I would've been there live-blogging the entire event.
Showed up at 11:30. By that point, Slippery When Wet was so ear-shatteringly loud that I didn’t bother to see if any SSSers remained.
"I would literally vote for a horse if one were put on the ballot against Stroger."
"I would literally have sex with a horse before voting for Stroger."
we left half way through slippery when wets first song.
i guess i might recap it, but lockportsox said her kids read the sight so i dont want to embarass her in regards to the hard partying.
Essentially it was me and some townies partying until cheat showed up, followed by scottyballgame, then lockportsox, and skancho arrived about the time dr. emilio found us even though he had been drinking there for hours. A recap was impossible yesterday as I was pretty incapacitated after about 12 hours of drinking.
In Minnesota, when 11,000 people are in the Dome, you feel like you are at an especially depressing demolition derby. -Joe Posnanski
sight-site
In Minnesota, when 11,000 people are in the Dome, you feel like you are at an especially depressing demolition derby. -Joe Posnanski
Someone asked me the other day why I was so pissed at Nick Swisher when he was just on the Sox last year.
My explanation? FNS.
"wordy and overly verbose."
by larry on Jul 3, 2009 3:43 PM CDT
by Black Sox Baseball on Oct 18, 2009 12:51 PM CDT reply actions
You have done well, young Jedi.
...take your hobbit circle jerk to another thread
by larry on May 18, 2009 8:58 PM PDT
the RAAAAAAANDY
episode of family guy is on right now.
Dodgers first, for Jim Thome. If not them, then the Rockies for Todd Helton.
inspired sox talk on fb
Terri O’Connor Havard
Bring Brian Anderson back!
10 minutes ago · Report
Kyle Ziggy
Yep gotta bring back pods he may be old like dye but he can move and we need that Dye can field but you can see hes gettin slower at the plate but I could see them keepin him for a DH since we dont have one but we will see
6 minutes ago · Report
Luis Rivera
Love pods, and dye is a great leader. He has to step it up tho… GO SOX IN 2010
In Minnesota, when 11,000 people are in the Dome, you feel like you are at an especially depressing demolition derby. -Joe Posnanski
everything about all of that is just plain wrong. hopefully you reported all of that
as explicit retard language to the FB authorities and suggested that they all should be taken away in a “balloon” accident.
"Jenks, who was never afraid to say "no" to a hamburger..."
by BobbySouthSide on Oct 19, 2009 11:16 AM CDT up reply actions
I would prefer a Zepplin accident...
You look him square in the eye and tell him "Yes Sir, the check is in the mail"
by DrEmilioLizardo on Oct 19, 2009 11:19 AM CDT up reply actions
even the children aren't safe...
"Jenks, who was never afraid to say "no" to a hamburger..."
by BobbySouthSide on Oct 19, 2009 11:36 AM CDT up reply actions
Twas Brillig in the Slithy Tove...
You look him square in the eye and tell him "Yes Sir, the check is in the mail"
by DrEmilioLizardo on Oct 19, 2009 11:45 AM CDT up reply actions
Guess they let anyone into Harvard these days.
The 2009 White Sox....like a 40 degree day.
by Ozzie Montana on Oct 19, 2009 12:13 PM CDT up reply actions
But only the truly elite get into Havard.
by Grinder in Training on Oct 19, 2009 12:33 PM CDT up reply actions
Curling and ice skating are also sports where the Norwegians shine.
Like the top of your head.
I was a Catholic boy, Redeemed through pain, not through joy - Jim Carroll
MLBTR Offseason Outlook on the White Sox
or: what was the point in this?
" Do you guys know people like you are the reason I wouldn’t come on for exstended periods of time. You rui the baseball blogging expieriance."
by trademaker on May 30, 2009 10:31 PM PDT
probably because he is under contract either way
You know the Germans always make good stuff....
boy are the mariners lucky
johjima is going bye bye and they’re not going to even have to pay any of the 16 million left on his contract.
at least they still owe silva 23 mil for the next 2 years. haha.
the suck is not just a river in ireland.
Not entirely true
Johjima came to an undisclosed buyout agreement with the Mariners after being told that he’d likely be a backup in 2010.
Isn't that the same link BM posted?
I am confused, except I already know Q2 can’t read – he’s a Yankee fan.
I was a Catholic boy, Redeemed through pain, not through joy - Jim Carroll
rotoworld?
says no buyout as well. maybe updated since you saw it.
the suck is not just a river in ireland.
Yep..mine had a 1:01pm timestamp
Well, even better deal for them then.
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