SSS Mailbag
by larry on Nov 30, 2009 1:26 PM CST
in Satire
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PrintWe always enjoy getting questions here at SSS so let's delve right in.
What do you hear about the plans for the future of Jared Mitchell? Since his game seems to be more advanced at a young age, like Gordon Beckham's clearly is, do you think we might be seeing him getting a real chance next season?
-- Mike, Georgetown, Texas
Mike, I have no clue where you heard that Mitchell is advanced. That's crazy talk. He might get a "real chance" at Birmingham next season. In the future, please do some research before wasting our time.
Well, there have been some big rumors going around saying Paul Konerko is going to the Angels and Adrian Gonzalez coming to the White Sox, but we would give up prospects. Can we afford to weaken our farm system?
-- Peter, Chicago
Petey, Konerko has been going to the Angels for years. With their lack of Figguns and Cotchmann, there's no way this made-up deal is ever going to happen. SouthSideSox, however, has been hearing that the White Sox are in talks - preliminary ones, mind you - with Toronto regarding a trade involving seven teams - including the Pittsburgh Pirates, Hanshin Tigers, and the Amsterdam Pirates of the Honkbal Hoofdklasse - to acquire Ray Hallidae and Johannes van der Wiel of Hesselink. I caution you that these are preliminary talks but this could be a huge acquisition. Maybe.
What will the White Sox bullpen look like in 2010? It's hard for me to picture it right now.
-- Lisa, Buffalo Grove, Ill.
Lisa, Don't expect much change. Here's a picture: 
via thehappyyoungster.mlblogs.com
As always, please email your questions to abuse@sbnation.com.
162 comments
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My question didn't make it AGAIN
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by billyok on Nov 30, 2009 1:29 PM CST reply actions 4 recs
It must have been a stupid question.
"his ballerness could not be stoped which rose his era to 5.42 "
by Chiburb on Nov 30, 2009 1:33 PM CST up reply actions 4 recs
I don't see what's stupid about wanting to know what he's doing later
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by billyok on Nov 30, 2009 1:50 PM CST up reply actions 4 recs
He's already answered that at least once in the last 6 months.
You can’t seriously expect him to repeat himself when a “search” would provide the answer.
"his ballerness could not be stoped which rose his era to 5.42 "
by Chiburb on Nov 30, 2009 1:52 PM CST up reply actions 4 recs
(Mutters something about stone tablets...)
"don tink about new jork. jus come in ready to wing de gay."
by winningugly on Nov 30, 2009 1:53 PM CST up reply actions 4 recs
I believe now Cheat will raise the "rec" requirement to 4.
"don tink about new jork. jus come in ready to wing de gay."
by winningugly on Nov 30, 2009 7:24 PM CST up reply actions 3 recs
Even if he raised it to 2 you still fucked this thread up
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by billyok on Nov 30, 2009 7:25 PM CST up reply actions 3 recs
i like how you got a few sympathy recs wu.
“I am glad to be the one to put a halt to the consecutive hilarity.” said the old piece of shit as his sniffed away a tear.
"I like my DH like I like my women. Fat , slow and full of power."
by soxshenanigans
by e-gus on Nov 30, 2009 9:32 PM CST up reply actions 3 recs
I'm rec'ing all of them, just to see the pretty colors
Reporter: I was wondering if at any point in my lifetime the Cubs weren't going to be run by a guy who didn't immediately remind me of failure, confusion, or imminent death
by Hazymania on Dec 1, 2009 12:46 AM CST up reply actions 3 recs
continue the trend!
See, this is what happens when the Sox bunt.
Discord is sown. Brother fights brother. Misunderstandings abound.
-TAEG
I love how "continue the trend"
is exactly where the trend died. You’re our stopper, blackoutsox!
Like Charlie Weis and Bobby Bowden are getting on their way out the door.
"don tink about new jork. jus come in ready to wing de gay."
by winningugly on Dec 1, 2009 7:48 AM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Needs moar music thread and alternative lifestyle fantasy talk.
"don tink about new jork. jus come in ready to wing de gay."
So, if you were like gay, which Sox front-office guy would you blow first?
Not picky, but very sticky....
by homesickalien on Nov 30, 2009 1:45 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
.50
See, this is what happens when the Sox bunt.
Discord is sown. Brother fights brother. Misunderstandings abound.
-TAEG
And he can't give you a dollar with that either,
Let alone a BJ
"It is obvious the Patriots souls are on lease - any day now Satan will rise up to New England - kick Tom Brady, Kevin Garnett, and David Ortiz in their luck filled testicles - and turn that area into his personal vacation home here on earth.-Rzayo 24, week one.
"Everybody in that room should be embarrassed. If they’re not embarrassed, they got the wrong job or they’re stealing money from baseball."-Ozzie Guillen 8/28/09
needs moar OPOS ;p
i'm alex rios' last fan
by onlysoxfaninboston on Nov 30, 2009 1:53 PM CST up reply actions
and needs more The Wire
i'm alex rios' last fan
by onlysoxfaninboston on Nov 30, 2009 1:53 PM CST up reply actions
props on the bullpen question
that about sums it up.
I see 2 lonely hairless balls.
THAT about sums it up.
"don tink about new jork. jus come in ready to wing de gay."
by winningugly on Nov 30, 2009 1:52 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Our new leadoff hitter....Johannes van der Wiel of Hesselink!!!!
Oh that would be so fucking sweet. You think I could get the entire name bedazzled on my jersey?
"Jenks, who was never afraid to say "no" to a hamburger..."
Heyman
18. Kenny Williams, White Sox GM. The White Sox weren’t expected to do much, but they’ve already traded Chris Getz and Josh Fields for Mark Teahen, and signed Andruw Jones and Vizquel, two big-time former stars. Williams surprised folks by forging a deal with Boras for Jones, whom he has coveted for years (they tried many years ago to pry him away from the Braves). Boras, who’s had a sticky relationship with Williams, also tried to sell him on signing Crede rather than trading two young players for the talented unproven Teahen. But apparently détente has its limitations.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/jon_heyman/11/30/movers.shakers/1.html
"Jenks, who was never afraid to say "no" to a hamburger..."
Just took a nap in the street downtown, pretty awesome
To think, I could do this every day and not even need a job!
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by billyok on Nov 30, 2009 2:29 PM CST reply actions 4 recs
Nice
it was the 10th anniversary of of the free trade WTO protests in Seattle.
Speaking of which, anyone heard from HSA today? She might be laying in a street in Seattle, and you can’t do that like you can here. You’ll at least get a j-walking ticket.
"Jenks, who was never afraid to say "no" to a hamburger..."
by BobbySouthSide on Nov 30, 2009 2:33 PM CST up reply actions
Yes. And Tiger pulled out of his own tournament and is not talking.
Screw baseball.
"don tink about new jork. jus come in ready to wing de gay."
He's been getting plenty of practice with the putter lately.
He still needs work on his driving.
piss up a rope fuckstick ...................by hoodlight
I think it was KenWo who used that line first.
Or maybe WTGTD.
Nice company, mick!
"his ballerness could not be stoped which rose his era to 5.42 "
Notre Dame's been terrible by their own standards since 1988.
The world needs the Jedi now more than ever
I meant "lying in a street"
she could be getting laid in a street in Seattle, but that is treated at least, like a moving violation.
"Jenks, who was never afraid to say "no" to a hamburger..."
by BobbySouthSide on Nov 30, 2009 2:36 PM CST up reply actions 3 recs
flagged.
Not picky, but very sticky....
by homesickalien on Nov 30, 2009 5:26 PM CST up reply actions
flagged
"I like my DH like I like my women. Fat , slow and full of power."
by soxshenanigans
by e-gus on Nov 30, 2009 9:33 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Pretty sure all of Seattle is still a bit shaken from the 4 cops who were shot and killed yesterday morning...nothing much going on here today other than vigils and what not. Pretty disturbing shit...
Not picky, but very sticky....
by homesickalien on Nov 30, 2009 2:56 PM CST up reply actions
*shot and killed in a coffee shop, nonetheless....
Not picky, but very sticky....
by homesickalien on Nov 30, 2009 2:57 PM CST up reply actions
Yeah, Chicago is a Walden when it comes to homicide.
"don tink about new jork. jus come in ready to wing de gay."
Don't remember the last time 4 cops were murdered in Chicago.
So yeah. Walden-like is accurate compared to that.
"his ballerness could not be stoped which rose his era to 5.42 "
And "out there" didn't mean Tacoma, it meant "out there".
"his ballerness could not be stoped which rose his era to 5.42 "
Well, that shit happens here too.... come on, you know it's not the same thing. A guy walking into a coffee shop and executing 4 cops on their laptops at 8:15 AM is NOT a normal happening.
Not picky, but very sticky....
by homesickalien on Nov 30, 2009 3:03 PM CST up reply actions
Speck, Gacy, et. al. is not normal, either.
Hell, a guy I went to high school with killed his grandparents, then himself, the same day in the ’70’s. Who knows who the next Chicago Pete is? tick, tick, tick…
"don tink about new jork. jus come in ready to wing de gay."
Don't forget to hug your children, folks! :p
Not picky, but very sticky....
by homesickalien on Nov 30, 2009 3:39 PM CST up reply actions
call your sons call your daughters call your friends call your neighbors
Green and Gold / Black and White
Good question
I am always looking out for the next chicago pete. I always get nervous anytime a white van, ice cream truck, or silver camero passes me. Be vigilante people.
"you should go back to your cowardly practice of offering no opinion of your own."
-picktoclick
by Where Triples Go to Die on Dec 1, 2009 5:16 AM CST via mobile up reply actions
Yes in this case. It wasn't a driveby, wasn't gang related, wasn't a domestic.
Wasn’t a drug deal gone wrong. It was cold-blooded assassination of cops because they were cops.
A Republican doesn’t see the difference? C’mon..
"his ballerness could not be stoped which rose his era to 5.42 "
Nope.
Premeditated is premeditated. Doesn’t matter that they were cops. Doesn’t matter that it was in a coffee shop in the morning in tony Washington. I agree with you – it’s crazy out there.
"don tink about new jork. jus come in ready to wing de gay."
Yep, and this guy is still roaming free at the moment. I know I'll be getting home and locking my doors early tonight...
Not picky, but very sticky....
by homesickalien on Nov 30, 2009 3:07 PM CST up reply actions
just go to the airport instead
and be all, “lates, Seattle”
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by billyok on Nov 30, 2009 3:08 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Word. Actually just had a gun-guy look at it last week and confirmed that I could still get it to work with a lil black powder and minor work on the trigger.
He said it appeared to be very valuable. Made not by a manufacturer, but by the person who used it centuries ago…
Still need to get it formally appraised.
Not picky, but very sticky....
by homesickalien on Nov 30, 2009 3:22 PM CST up reply actions
Usage to defeat the legendary Seattle slayer could drive its value up
The world needs the Jedi now more than ever
+1
"you should go back to your cowardly practice of offering no opinion of your own."
-picktoclick
by Where Triples Go to Die on Dec 1, 2009 5:18 AM CST via mobile up reply actions
fill it with vodka and shove it down peoples throats.
by Trooper on Nov 30, 2009 3:37 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Military Operation in Urbanized Terrain!
"I like my DH like I like my women. Fat , slow and full of power."
by soxshenanigans
considering it sounds like they had him cornered
and let him get away, doesn’t give one confidence in the law enforcement in Washington. I’d recommend getting home early every night and carrying that musket to work.
"Jenks, who was never afraid to say "no" to a hamburger..."
by BobbySouthSide on Nov 30, 2009 3:11 PM CST up reply actions
"we had him surrounded, sarge. then the sick fuck crossed in the street in the middle of the block! the middle! needless to say, we were dumbfounded as to what to do next."
These events have me frightened and on the verge of evacuating my bowels.
by thatshortkid on Nov 30, 2009 5:49 PM CST up reply actions 3 recs
haha!!!
Not picky, but very sticky....
by homesickalien on Nov 30, 2009 6:36 PM CST up reply actions
In Seattle, I believe I read it was 1921? when 3 cops were killed - the last time anything of this scale happened.
Not picky, but very sticky....
by homesickalien on Nov 30, 2009 3:04 PM CST up reply actions
I just got back, countryside and catching up on all the killings this past
week is pretty amazing. bloodbath in Chicago over the weekend.
(Cops should have stayed at the donut shop…customers are more friendly…and I had too…going to hell now.)
"Jenks, who was never afraid to say "no" to a hamburger..."
by BobbySouthSide on Nov 30, 2009 3:03 PM CST up reply actions
how is a coffee shop different from
just ‘murdered in seattle?’
Lurking since 2006
by boyonthedock on Nov 30, 2009 6:33 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
No different...I thought it was a nice detail to the story. Especially since that's what everyone relates to Seattle.
Not picky, but very sticky....
by homesickalien on Nov 30, 2009 6:36 PM CST up reply actions
kelsey grammer is in custody
Lurking since 2006
by boyonthedock on Nov 30, 2009 8:25 PM CST up reply actions
That was YOU!!! And 9 of your closest friends I assume...
I sent your picture to HSA, maybe she’ll post it here.
Right in front of my office. Thank god they arrested the drum beater first.
"his ballerness could not be stoped which rose his era to 5.42 "
I heard that banging drum at my desk for an hour an a half.
I almost went downstairs and pissed on his leg.
"Jenks, who was never afraid to say "no" to a hamburger..."
by BobbySouthSide on Nov 30, 2009 2:44 PM CST up reply actions
billy in the magenta, I presume...
Not picky, but very sticky....
by homesickalien on Nov 30, 2009 2:49 PM CST up reply actions
ummmmmm......that's the only one you sent me.......whatamImissing?
Not picky, but very sticky....
by homesickalien on Nov 30, 2009 2:50 PM CST up reply actions
Nothing. Pic didn't show originally, now it does.
"his ballerness could not be stoped which rose his era to 5.42 "
But your friends cheated. They were actually chained together under the PCV or PVC
or whatever the fuck it’s called.
Cops sawed through, then used bolt cutters. THEN they handcuffed them. Seems like they were already “under control”, but what do I know?
"his ballerness could not be stoped which rose his era to 5.42 "
macing them in the face and then dragging them all chained
together down Halsted to the cop shop on Division would have made more sense.
"Jenks, who was never afraid to say "no" to a hamburger..."
by BobbySouthSide on Nov 30, 2009 2:56 PM CST up reply actions
dude came up and thanked me for my "silent support" because I stood out there for 30 minutes watching.
Then hit me up for bail money.
Sigh.
"his ballerness could not be stoped which rose his era to 5.42 "
sorry, you looked friendly
by billyok on Nov 30, 2009 2:57 PM CST via Jail
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by billyok on Nov 30, 2009 2:58 PM CST up reply actions 6 recs
he's getting anal blasted now.
"Jenks, who was never afraid to say "no" to a hamburger..."
by BobbySouthSide on Nov 30, 2009 3:04 PM CST up reply actions
Why do you think he participated in the lay-in?
"don tink about new jork. jus come in ready to wing de gay."
ahh, I see what you did there....pretty awesome.
"Jenks, who was never afraid to say "no" to a hamburger..."
by BobbySouthSide on Nov 30, 2009 3:08 PM CST up reply actions
first action i've gotten since i used to look up my kindergarten teacher's skirt during "naptime"
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for shame
Ugh that season completely sucked but i have so many other things to look forward to. GO BLACKHAWKS! GO BEARS! 2010 WHITE SOX!
by pierzynskirules on Nov 30, 2009 8:14 PM CST up reply actions
Sounds like a new style of jeans.
Not picky, but very sticky....
by homesickalien on Nov 30, 2009 4:34 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
I thought it was a chewing gum commercial.
Include the word “arctic” and you’re there.
"don tink about new jork. jus come in ready to wing de gay."
With flavor dingleberries!
Not picky, but very sticky....
by homesickalien on Nov 30, 2009 4:45 PM CST up reply actions
Where was my question?
“I hear there is a site out there called fangraphs, but I don’t know where it is or if it even exists. Please Help!!!”
BYO pillow.
Or as Springsteen sang last night in “The Ghost of Tom Joad”, “Sleeping on a pillow of solid rock, bathin’ in the city aqueduct”.
"don tink about new jork. jus come in ready to wing de gay."
Any chance....
Cheat post an article detailing what you guys would do if you were Kenny at this point? I very possibly missed this if it was already done, but if it hasn’t been done I’d like to see what you hope the White Sox do with the roster from now until Spring Training…..
shameless self-promotion
http://www.southsidesox.com/2009/11/3/1113946/rosterbation-mania
" Do you guys know people like you are the reason I wouldn’t come on for exstended periods of time. You rui the baseball blogging expieriance."
by trademaker on May 30, 2009 10:31 PM PDT
Larry,
Are you hearing that the White Sox are talking with teams in Holland about possibly working a three-way trade to land the legendary Dirk Vant Klooster?
Chicago White Sox Examiner — I wish I could cuss right now.
Ah, another one of Kenny's guys
who he’ll fly under the radar to get. Holland pipeline > Cuban pipeline.
Chicago White Sox Examiner — I wish I could cuss right now.
by UribeAuction on Nov 30, 2009 4:01 PM CST up reply actions
Sox Machine heard "honkbal" and laughed.
EVERYBODY PICK US FOR 3RD OR 4TH SO I DINK WE DOIN POOTY GOO
Sox Machine
isnt that what they really call it there?
not kidding.
I think I remember that from WBC.
"I like my DH like I like my women. Fat , slow and full of power."
by soxshenanigans
i have been trying to work that in for awhile
by larry on Nov 30, 2009 5:25 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
via mobile??
Since when?!
Not picky, but very sticky....
by homesickalien on Nov 30, 2009 5:27 PM CST up reply actions
since whenever mobile posting was enabled
by larry on Nov 30, 2009 5:38 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
a FP that knocked me out of my chair with its hilarity followed by four straight recced comments
this is a good day
See, this is what happens when the Sox bunt.
Discord is sown. Brother fights brother. Misunderstandings abound.
-TAEG
I am glad to be the one to put a halt to the consecutive hilarity.
Someone has to bring a Dutch-like seriousness to the proceedings.
"don tink about new jork. jus come in ready to wing de gay."
not anymore!
See, this is what happens when the Sox bunt.
Discord is sown. Brother fights brother. Misunderstandings abound.
-TAEG
As a pure-bred woodenshoe
I approve this trade.
My grandparents who attended the “TRUE Dutch Reformed Church” in South Holland (unlike those posers in the other Dutch Reformed churches), used to regale me with tales of Honkball prowess among the tallest people in the world. If you are not sure if a player is dutch, look for any bizzare doubling of vowels.
Fun Dutch baseballer facts- Rik Aalbert “Bert” Blyleven was born in Holland. David Aardsma and Lenny Dykstra were not. Robert Eenhoorn is the only major league player born in the Netherlands to have hit a home run. All other Dutch MLB players to have hit home runs were born elsewhere, mainly in the country’s Caribbean territories, most notably the Curaçao native Andruw Jones.
There's Your Zagnut!!!
by DrEmilioLizardo on Dec 1, 2009 11:34 AM CST up reply actions
although I suppose we'll have to refer to this FP post for the rest of the season whenever we have an itch to ask larry a question
See, this is what happens when the Sox bunt.
Discord is sown. Brother fights brother. Misunderstandings abound.
-TAEG
ʎɹɹɐ1 ʇsod ʇɐǝɹb
uʍop sʇsoɔ ʇǝʞɔıʇ dǝǝʞ oʇ ɹosuods ǝʇɐɹodɹoɔ ǝɯos ɟo obo1 ǝɥʇ ɥʇıʍ pǝʇuıɐd ǝq 11ıʍ uǝd11nq ǝɥʇ uı ssɐɹb ǝɥʇ ɹɐǝɥ ı ʇnq
Hell Yesss
by Grinder Rule #42 on Nov 30, 2009 4:34 PM CST reply actions
ou
ooʇ pǝsɹǝʌǝɹ sı ʇxǝʇ ɹıǝɥʇ ’ʇǝ1ıoʇ ǝɥʇ ɥsn1ɟ ı uǝɥʍ pǝsɹǝʌǝɹ buıǝq ɹǝʇɐʍ ǝɥʇ ɟo ʍo1ɟ ǝɥʇ ǝʞı1 puɐ ’ʍou ʇɥbıɹ ɐı1ɐɹʇsnɐ uı ɯı
Hell Yesss
by Grinder Rule #42 on Nov 30, 2009 5:00 PM CST up reply actions
ɥɐʎ
0/58002/sɹǝʇsoɹ’77363/48002/dɐɐq1ɯ’0/4/sɯɐɹboɹd=pınuǝɯ&08363=ǝbɐd¿/nɐ.ɯoɔ.11ɐqǝsɐq.ʍʍʍ//:dʇʇɥ 1ǝsuǝǝʇs uɐʌ ppoʇ ɹoɟ sʞuǝظ buıpɐɹʇ ɟo ʞ1ɐʇ sǝɹǝɥʇ
Hell Yesss
by Grinder Rule #42 on Nov 30, 2009 5:12 PM CST up reply actions
that is the most annoying
shit i’ve ever read
waiting for shaun phigguns since 2007
by soxshenanigans on Nov 30, 2009 5:46 PM CST up reply actions 5 recs
Haha
Sweet!!!!
"you should go back to your cowardly practice of offering no opinion of your own."
-picktoclick
by Where Triples Go to Die on Dec 1, 2009 6:40 AM CST via mobile up reply actions
After you get it drunk and it passes out.
"his ballerness could not be stoped which rose his era to 5.42 "
Kiss me where it smells.
Seriously, ladies and germs.
"don tink about new jork. jus come in ready to wing de gay."
Gary.
True story.
"his ballerness could not be stoped which rose his era to 5.42 "
by Chiburb on Nov 30, 2009 6:55 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
Sigh.
“NIAGRA FALLS! Slowly I turned, step by step…”
"don tink about new jork. jus come in ready to wing de gay."
Once you get past the smell you have it licked.
"his ballerness could not be stoped which rose his era to 5.42 "
You got 10 dollas?
I enjoyed the link. Bwahahaha!
FUCK EVYTHING BACON RULZ WEER GONNA WIN TEH CHAMPSHIOP
...colintj, Nov8, 2009
They wrote to Scott Merkin at whitesox.com,
then Merkin answered them like they were legitimate questions, rather than questions asked by some poser WhiteSox fan.
Green and Gold / Black and White
I got a question.
How do you order all that food and a motherfucking diet coke?
"you should go back to your cowardly practice of offering no opinion of your own."
-picktoclick
by Where Triples Go to Die on Dec 1, 2009 5:02 AM CST via mobile reply actions
Well done sir.
Been away for a while and this is what I call a gem. Honorable mention to Billy for his work in the thread (how often does someone say that?…)
You're welcome, Seattle.
Not picky, but very sticky....
by homesickalien on Dec 1, 2009 9:19 AM CST up reply actions
I cannot believe I am writing this, but
Nice work Larry.
(Now I have to go shower again.)
There's Your Zagnut!!!
by DrEmilioLizardo on Dec 1, 2009 11:20 AM CST reply actions
You're smart like that.
Not picky, but very sticky....
by homesickalien on Dec 1, 2009 2:10 PM CST up reply actions
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