Obama names Quentin 'Secretary of Dreaminess'

by thecip on Apr 21, 2009 12:13 PM CDT Comment 39 comments

DATELINE--Washington D.C.--In a surprise move, President Obama named Chicago White Sox outfielder Carlos Quentin 'Secretary of Dreaminess' yesterday, as a shocked Brian Anderson looked on.

As a consequence of this stunning announcement, Quentin must spend part of his day shirtless, and will trade his car for a white horse with a flowing mane. Also he must spend one hour each chopping wood in the early morning sun while wearing tight jeans.

"He's just so great." Obama said, "especially after meeting him! He said he likes the same thing I do too!"

In congress, Vice President Biden was happy to hear the news, "I glad he finally met him. I was getting sick of Barack always talking about him, like 'did you know Carlos went to Stanford and was a poly sci major? OMG!'" Biden continued, "the 2009 budget had to be rewritten several times because the president kept writing 'B.O. + C. Q.' in a heart on every page, and originally signed it into law as 'Barack Quentin.'"

“When President Obama replaced the Lansdowne portrait of George Washington with a collage he made from newspaper clippings of the White Sox outfielder I knew [Quentin] was a shoo-in get a seat on the cabinet,” said Speaker of the House Pelosi, “a month ago he replaced Jefferson's portrait with a picture he found on the web of then-Secretary of Energy nominee Steven Chu holding his puppy.”

“A stylized 'Q' created with glitter and attached by Elmer's glue found on the TARP proposal was originally thought to be made by Timothy Geitner, but now it is clearly shown to come from the desk of the President,” Biden concluded.

Secretary of Dreaminess was last held during the Clinton administration by Robert Reich.

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Great work...

but needs more pictures of Q!

You are right. But larry is actually a prick too.
- HSA 01/07/09

by rhythm on Apr 21, 2009 12:40 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

+3

"I never had sex with that Governor" -
Roland Burris

by Chiburb on Apr 21, 2009 12:43 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Neyer who?

"I never had sex with that Governor" -
Roland Burris

by Chiburb on Apr 21, 2009 12:43 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Change we can believe in.

...and then some depressed fucked-cake eating.

by homesickalien on Apr 21, 2009 12:58 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Well done. However, the Secretary of Dreaminess begins and ends with this guy:

I’d let him nullify my cotton tariff anytime (if you know what I mean).

by The Actual El Guapo on Apr 21, 2009 12:59 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs

is that calhoun?

I miss when politicians looked all crazy. thanks Hitler, for ruining that for us.

thecip is now dead inside.

by thecip on Apr 21, 2009 1:09 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

it is indeed.

"I never had sex with that Governor" -
Roland Burris

by Chiburb on Apr 21, 2009 1:09 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Hilarious, well done

by BNeL21 on Apr 21, 2009 1:16 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

If Reich was the last Sec. of Dreaminess,

Q will need to spend a little in redoing the office furniture. Might be a wee bit small.

We’re a pack of a-holes.
by rhythm on Apr 14, 2009 1:45 PM EDT

by winningugly on Apr 21, 2009 1:47 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

not a problem for a carpenter.

"I never had sex with that Governor" -
Roland Burris

by Chiburb on Apr 21, 2009 1:59 PM CDT up reply actions 2 recs

damn people stop recing recklessly!!!

by LT_sox_fan on Apr 21, 2009 5:52 PM CDT reply actions 4 recs

just rec'd it!

The greatest trick the White Sox ever pulled was convincing their fan base that "Ozzieball" ever existed.

by The Wizard on Apr 21, 2009 5:55 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

rec'd

I don’t want my beer to taste like fruit or honey. I want pussy to taste that way.

by thatshortkid on Apr 21, 2009 6:19 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

that was...

…Dreamy!

The greatest trick the White Sox ever pulled was convincing their fan base that "Ozzieball" ever existed.

by The Wizard on Apr 21, 2009 5:54 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Does anyone have the team photo?

I saw it on PTI but can’t find it anywhere on the net

by Option27 on Apr 21, 2009 6:06 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

http://www.southsidesox.com/2009/4/21/846561/white-sox-week-in-review#14490104

The greatest trick the White Sox ever pulled was convincing their fan base that "Ozzieball" ever existed.

by The Wizard on Apr 21, 2009 6:27 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I saw a video of Mr. and M rs. Q! at the white house somewhere on TV but I can't find it

The greatest trick the White Sox ever pulled was convincing their fan base that "Ozzieball" ever existed.

by The Wizard on Apr 21, 2009 6:33 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Just saw it on sportnite

Thanks for the photo

by Option27 on Apr 21, 2009 6:54 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

hard to tell from here, but my preliminary thought is that i'd bang all those chicks.

Cashing checks and having sex.

by MarketMaker on Apr 22, 2009 8:59 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I think a few of them might be guys.

by The Actual El Guapo on Apr 22, 2009 9:09 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

i stand by my statement.

Cashing checks and having sex.

by MarketMaker on Apr 23, 2009 12:15 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs

suprisingly

lillibridge was the only one i recognized right off the bat,

the rest came to me one by one

Don Ho needs a hair cut

"I’ll take the old gray lady over the peanut gallery on some cow town blog."
MadVillian

by blackoutsox on Apr 22, 2009 9:15 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Who are the DB's without a tie?

JD? Fer Chrissakes, it’s the President. BTW, Ozzie is consistent – absent.

And…today the Univ. of Florida football team is being greeted at the White House. Is Obama doing anything except photo-ops? Fer Chrissakes.

We’re a pack of a-holes.
by rhythm on Apr 14, 2009 1:45 PM EDT

by winningugly on Apr 23, 2009 9:07 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Is Obama doing anything except photo-ops?

absolutely not, everything is delegated to the central comittee

The greatest trick the White Sox ever pulled was convincing their fan base that "Ozzieball" ever existed.

by The Wizard on Apr 23, 2009 12:59 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I wonder if the players even know how much they are taxed

I’m sure most professional sports players have an agent or someone do their taxes, and that they don’t have any idea how much they are being taxed. But if they did, considering how greedy they are when it comes to signing with a team, they would probably hate Obama who is just going to raise their taxes with all of his central planning.

by Looney_Bucky on Apr 25, 2009 6:09 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

rumor has it they have a cardboard of obama to throw darts in the clubhouse

and jd had a ‘cut our taxes’ sign in the sox white house visit but the liberal media won’t show that picture

The greatest trick the White Sox ever pulled was convincing their fan base that "Ozzieball" ever existed.

by The Wizard on Apr 25, 2009 6:19 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

as a show of solidarity, all the players had a teabag in their coat pocket

I don’t want my beer to taste like fruit or honey. I want pussy to taste that way.

by thatshortkid on Apr 26, 2009 3:12 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

bean had a hot-water bottle too

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38nq4jvNhK4

The greatest trick the White Sox ever pulled was convincing their fan base that "Ozzieball" ever existed.

by The Wizard on Apr 27, 2009 3:21 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

This is not a blog in which you should start arguing about politics, even if your topic has sports overtones

We’ve been down that road before, and it isn’t pretty.

You are right. But larry is actually a prick too.
- HSA 01/07/09

by rhythm on Apr 27, 2009 3:23 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

my secretary is dreamy

brndnprkns: I'm pretty sure the "badass" value of your life is closer to Gigli than The Dark Knight

by whitesoxmatt on Apr 23, 2009 5:55 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

I second this nomination!

Anything else would be an abomination.

Chicks Dig a Low ERA Bullpen.

by eastbaysd on Apr 23, 2009 6:06 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

When did Obama become a White Sox fan?

Can anyone verify that Obama was a true, avid White Sox (or for that matter Bulls or Bears) fan before he started his career as a politician? That way we know he isn’t just a fan for political popularity purposes.

by Looney_Bucky on Apr 25, 2009 6:15 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs