Sox Bats Silent, Colon Salvages Sister-Kisser

Years ago, I remember nervously waiting for Physics 235 mid-terms to be posted, searching for the last 4 digits of my Social Security number among the long list similar numbers, running my finger across the row to find a scary-looking 62 staring back at me. 62, that's an F, I thought. Fuck.

Then I noticed the little note next to the long list of 4-digit numbers. "Mid-terms will be graded on the following scale."

Yes! My 62 was now a C. I knew I needed to study more to fully understand the conservation of Massett, but I felt like I escaped complete failure... for a day anyway.

That's exactly how I feel about the White Sox double header with the Mariners Tuesday. The Sox played like crap; John Danks wasn't himself, his defense didn't help him any, the offense was non-existent. But they won a game, they split the day.

They certainly can't survive a season playing like that, but they'll take it... for a day anyway.

I would like to give Bartolo Colon the bulk of the credit for the Sox victory. His velocity was a couple of tics better than in previous outings -- Incidentally, the gameday data seemed a bit fast for all pitchers on Tuesday. For instance, it had Colon throwing as hard as 94 MPH -- he mixed his pitches better (as in he actually threw a few of them) and his control was back to what we saw in the first two outings. But I think the M's hacktastic offense deserves plenty of the credit as well.

It was a joke how often the WGN broadcast would get back from commercial break with an out on the board. They missed at least three outs, and countless first pitches. I don't know if that was entirely WGN's fault. Both starters were ready to go as soon as the homeplate umpire gave them the sign, which must have been in the middle of Jones Big ASS Truck Rental and Storage latest epic commercial (Check out his new business venture).

Both offenses acted like they had a flight to catch in the opener, which breezed through the top of the 8th in just over 90 minutes. An error by Josh Fields plus a wild, and a bit terrifying ninth for Bobby Jenks kept the game from clocking in as the fastest in MLB in probably 10+ years. The official game time of 1:52 was the fastest since Mark Buerhle's buzzsaw through the M's in '05.

The Sox' batters didn't stop hacking when the lights came on. Mariners pitchers threw a total of 202 pitches in the two games, which works out to an average of 11.8 pitches per inning. The major league average is something like 16.5 pitcher per inning, and about 145 per game.

That's pretty much all I'd care to write about the second game. The Sox just have to study harder, because it's not everyday that MLB grades on a curve.

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