I Like the White Sox: 10 Things to Do

Hello campers, sorry I have been gone on vacation to do part duex of this unauthorized column (hopefully you guys authorize it one day), but I was able to miss the Sox lose another tight game to the Tribe and lose 3 games to the Tigers.  I guess the silver lining is the fact they went into the series 5 1/2 back and then left the series the same way.  Many of my fellow Sox fans think that the time has come to "blow up" the team.  Start trying to move who you can.  Get ready for the future.  Well, you see, I'm one of those Sox fans that live in fantasyland.  I truly believe they have a shot at this thing.  Perhaps, not the WS, but at least the division.  I think they can make a real run after the Tigers and it would be nice to see the city of Detroit have one more disappointment besides their stupid shit Red Wings blow game 7 in "hockeytown!!!"  I have ten things the Sox must do. 

10. Keep sending Count to the fountain of youth
I don't know where this guy got it from, but he is in the middle of not allowing one run in 16 innings.  This is not the same Contreras we saw from out of the gate in April.  No no no.  He must of have some Jamba Juice with a shot of Vitamin C.  Or perhaps the Chevy Pride Crew helped him "man up."  Either way, if he can continue with this stretch, we can expect to be doing pretty well come September.

9. Buy a plane ticket for Fields to Planet "Q"

Sure Josh Fields is an unpredictable, unreliable, POS.  But if we put him in the shuttle and send him to whatever planet Q came from, he will come back a strong, chipper young man who we can count on.  He is a lifetime 8 or 9 and will never match Joe Crede's glove, but he is what we have right now so we need to ride this thing out.

8. Find out where Carlos is in Planet "Q"

As we all know, Carlos Quentin has went on a trip and return with bubble gum on his head.  How nice.  Perhaps the thing to do is get him a pair of heelies to run the bases.  This way he can let the wheels do the running for him.  Perhaps, Harold Baines can push him to second hard enough where he won't have to do anything.

7. Give the kids some better targets.

Danks, Floyd, and Richard all have the signs of being the next generation of the rotation.  We all know Gavin Floyds big balls have hair growing on them again.  Richard is 50 50, but we need Johnny Danks to come through for us.  I suggest a heater in the dugout and a baseball bat may be just the thing for him.  After all, Buehrle's troubles came to an end after the poor heater took a beating.

6. Find some prostitutes for BA.

Is it just me, or does BA hit better when he has the honeys hounding him?  Perhaps after a trip to Detroit and Milwaukee, some of the bleacher blondes can find him after we get done beating the shit out that team up north.  Chicago does have better looking women.  Just the ones on the north side are easier because they just don't know any better.  It would take at least 12 dinners to hook up with HSA or any other White Sox fan.  It would take 3 beers for a Cub fan.

5. Ramirez and Beckham should play catch more often.

This would be a great "Of Mice and Men" storyline.  Alexei, the defector from Cuba who is in the SS position now plays catch every game with the so-called savior Beckham.  They can talk about life and loosen up every day.  Alexei has Count to help.  What a story if Alexei helps Becks through his way in the big leagues. 

4. Get Ozzie more sunflower seeds

He needs to spit them at opposing teams trying to steal bases.  He would have better luck spitting them at runners that AJ throwing them out.

3.  JD needs to run faster

Dude, seriously.  Pick up the pace.  Life is passing you by. 

2. More plaques for Jim Thome.

We should put one in the dugout that says "real big guy played ball here."

1. And most importantly, don't stop believing.

The White Sox are a team if history has taught us anything, will keep you on the roller coaster through the rough turns and the easy hills.  We fans must still believe in them no matter what.

Hope it was fun.  Talk to you all soon.

 And here's to hoping our beloved White Sox piss all over the friendly confines starting Tuesday and send Lou Pinella into a nursing home!!!