Comrades, I speak to you today of a matter of the utmost urgency. A matter that affects us all. Indeed, a matter that wounds my black heart. The Cheat must be overthrown.
I know this shocks some of you. You are loyal SSSers. The Cheat has been our fearless leader for years. His powers were immense, his knowledge was expansive. And his authority was unquestioned. But, as difficult as this is, we must question it now.
The Cheat has grown weary of the duties attendant to his position as Supreme Overlord, Managing Editor, Holder of the Concubines and Commandant of the Resplendent Revolution. Despite his neglect, he has managed to retain his grip on SSS by rewarding his minions. He has shamelessly pandered to the geriatrics, larding their already fat bellies and intoxicating them with the wine of cloaking powers and the gin of banning authority. He has fattened a number of ghost payrollers, including shaftr, thecip, Teahenny Penny and The Actual El Guapo (who, I might add, is now a convicted pedophile). And he has permitted a number of unsavory elements to settle among us, including PostAllStarBreakChanges, bobpuller, the Irish and Al Yellon.
Why has The Cheat forsaken us? Perhaps he has grown tired of the White Sox. Perhaps the demands attendant to being a basement-dwelling college student in his 30s have proven to be too much. Perhaps the assassination attempt organized by the traitor Grinder in Training has cowed The Cheat. Or perhaps The Cheat's repeated bouts with butt cancer have sapped his formerly prodigious energies. I believe, however, that the foul temptress who The Cheat calls his mistress is really a Twinn agent sent to destroy us from the very top.
But the reasons do not matter. SSS, which was once amongst the greatest of sports blogs, is now weak and preyed upon. Without a motivated and involved leader, we have been unable to combat the threat posed by the unholy alliance struck between SoxMachine and known White Sox hater Rob Neyer. SSS is now a second-rate blog. And what little talent remains find themselves tempted by outside forces, which dangle in front of them promises of riches and influence. This very day, three editors received an offer from Mark Cuban to start a new White Sox blog on his soon-to-be launched sports blog network.
Of course this offer was immediately rejected. We were once great - and we can can be great again. But the enemies and the traitors must be purged. Once we have removed the impediments, I believe SSS will once again thrive. Our posters are clearly the wittiest in all of the internet. Our contributors are clearly the most incisive in the sports blog nation. Other blogs clearly tremble at the knowledgeable and cutting commentary produced here. Join us now as we seize the means of blogging from the bourgeois, elitist The Cheat and let us bring about a new dawn, for ourselves and our children.