Twas' the night before Winter meetings

In an apartment the kind a young couple who are so hopelessly in lust with one another that they mistake their feelings for being the illusive and transmogrifying noun LOVE, sits an unwashed and neglected coffee mug on a Formica counter, next to a freshly baked pumpkin pie (shudder). While much used and appearing to be a generally sanitary stainless-steel, adorned with a local baseball teams logo, there appeared to be a problematic area underneath the plastic seal that the man not-so-affectionately referred to as ‘gunk’.

In the mere seconds of Earth time that it took the man to fill the mug with coffee and take hi first sip, a decade had passed within the gunk and in turn several thousand generations of living microscopic (or macroscopic depending on if you are human or gunk in gunk) people. Although within this gunk they called their humanity a name that we can not write nor pronounce.

In this picturesque, quaint, cozy little kitchen in a Chicago apartment, imagine an omnipotent being we will call ‘author’ slowly zooming his viewpoint like Google Earth into the gunk to see what in Christ’s name was going on (but in gunkworld’s religion, "Elokj’s Sharn", the gunkperson who sacrificed his body and soul to give herpes to the evil being who once daily caused floods of brown pungent fluid, blustery hot winds and axis tilts) in this gunk.

"Sire, our harpies missiles have been deployed we are ready to commence attack."
"It doesn’t matter…there is no hope…"
"Don’t do this!…Don’t quit on me now sire! For years we have toiled on this weapons program to battle Sse’s calamities! This is no time to give up!"
"Elokj, in his holy scriptures, spoke of the end of times when we would be literally wiped off the face of the Earth, the time is nigh, I had a vision last night and the time is nigh, nigh, nigh…"
"Elokj existed but he knew nothing of the future, in those times people were quite fond and taken with elaborate hoax’s…anything to define their existence."
"He is the son of Qitord and you will find that to be true in your eternal stay in Scotland."
"Scotland is a myth, if Qitord really did exist why would he be so vengeful as to create a Scotland where we are clean for eternity?"
"Qitord works in mysterious ways, ways, ways…."
"Hindrance of fate is in vain. We shall fulfill the prophecy and I as master, will wish myself into blissful eternity through steadfast conjecture!"
"As you wish, I will direct this battle then."
"Elokj infected herpes upon the evil being Sse and the attacks have persisted through the millennia…what makes you think your new-fangled herpes missiles will be any more blightful and stop this effrontery?
"These missiles are far more disgusting than Elokj manifesting himself into a single herpes virus. Elokj’s harpies while disgusting and unsightly can easily be masked by Sse lip if he talks just the right way. Our herpes will spread like wild fire."
"Where did you get these herpes?"
"We found them out in the netherzones in much abundance."
"I told you the netherzones are off limits."
"Sometimes rules do not have the citizenry’s best interests at heart."
"This is offense is punishable by death but I will let you commence the attack before I carry out the sentence."
"I would gladly martyr myself for the people and the state, if that is your wish."
"Be Gone!"
"Yes, sire…"
"One more thing, what brand of harpies is this and how do you think it got to the netherzones?
"The oracle of Glrstuv told me from a ‘human vagina’ whatever that is."

The author now chooses to zoom out of gunkworld and back into the present day Chicago apartment. The man is pouring himself some coffee, the man lifts his mug to his lips and before the stench hits him he takes a long pull and seems quite satisfied with his morning caffeine fix, so he takes another and another until there is maybe one large sip left. By this time the coffee smell had subsided and he noticed a stench emitting from his mug. He poured the coffee out, removed the plastic seal and cleaned it with vinegar. Worlds collided, prophecies fulfilled themselves but in the end there was a happy ending for all. Especially the man’s fiancé and the woman at the man’s work that hated him so much she wiped her vagina in the netherzones of gunkworld.