White Sox Have Big Holes, Not Sure How To Fix Them.

With first base and catcher out of the way, we get the fun of looking at RF, DH and Utility (cause let’s keep it real – that’s probably what our DH is going to be again in 2011). Again, the options are listed, then a short summary of their ‘credentials’ and my own personal ranking (the lower the number, the better option I think they are).

Hole: Right Field. Options: The Artist Formerly Known As Q!, Mark Teahen, Carl Crawford, Jayson Werth, Andruw Jones, Johnny Damon.

Actually, this might make me more sad than catcher (WU, your view?) My thoughts walking away from Cot’s list of free agents for outfield this year are, "Holy crap….none of them can really *play* the outfield anymore. That’s interesting…." A lot of the names are guys who are nearing the end (or can at least see the end) or just bad at baseball (Jody Gerut, Alfredo Amezaga, etc).

Carlos Quentin (4): I’m surprised I put Quentin this low, but part of it is a function of the talent gap between the first two options and everyone else. Quentin is incredibly frustrating, mostly because we were introduced to a person we thought was hot (and slutty) but it just ended up being a one night, drunken mistake (for them, not us). Carlos has never put up what he did in ’08, and probably never will. We have seen spurts of it, mostly in June/July of this year but part of his issues stem from health. And we haven’t even gotten to his *ahem* ‘fielding’. The guy’s a DH, if Kenny and Ozzie aren’t the boobs Joe Cowely and the Chicago Tribune (respectively) think they are. In line for a raise to around $5 million due to arbitration, I have no problem keeping Quentin as long as he’s the DH and 6th in the lineup to start.

Mark Teahen (there isn’t a high enough number to put here): I don’t totally hate him, his contract actually isn’t bad for a utility player, $9 mill total for this and next year, buying out arbitration. But the White Sox didn’t trade two P.O.S.’s for a utility player – they traded for a third baseman. Uh…..okay, fine. His broken finger was one of the best things to happen to the Sox in ’10, and he’s in the mix only because he’s gotta be paid and has played the outfield before (albeit poorly). Less offensive potential than Quentin, comparable defense, roughly the same price and an awful, awful pockmarked face….well, like Stacie Orrico said, there’s gotta be more to life. Keep him as the utility, replacement-level player he is and there’s not an issue. Ask him to do more and you’ll get more of this, without the funny [that thing is so good I had to link it twice].

Carl Crawford (1) (1) (1) (1): the best position player on the market, bar none. One of the best guys (I mean not being a raging jerk) in the game, one of the most interesting to watch and just flat out good, the Sox were rumored (according to WSCR) to want to save for him. Good luck. No reason why he won’t get Matt Holliday money at least (7 years, $120 million), but he could conceivably get a more Soriano-esq deal too(7/$136). I think we’d all be laughing and celebrating (and could beat teh Twains) if they Sox announced this, but since they aren’t, let’s move on.

Jayson Werth (2): Ah, the Bearded Man!! I like Jayson Werth. Numbers aside, the guy strikes me as similar to Michael Cuddyer (no where near the best player on his team, but still an integral part of the offense and really good), and Cuddy is one of my favorite players (I know, I am now banished). Werth is a better fielder and baserunner, but is a bit of a late bloomer, coming into his own offensively in 2008 at the age of 29. He’s the  Mercedes to Crawford’s Lamborghini, but since the Sox are looking at Pintos and Edsels…..

Andruw Jones (5): Dude had a good 2010, much better than I thought he would. However, he’s a 4th outfielder who will no doubt want to build on the $500,000 he got last year. That’s fair, but he’s not able to play everyday anymore. I’m also of the opinion (though this isn’t his fault) that Dayan tried too hard to mimic his swing. No likey. Fine as a bench player, and if pushed, I’d take him everyday over Teahen.

Johnny Damon: (3): Makes a lot of sense, actually. Rumored to want to go back to the AL East (yeah, good luck with that), he’s probably going to make around the $8 mill he did last year (pulling numbers out of the air, I’d say $6-$7). He’s got a hot-ish wife, right? So, there’s that. Wait, was she a hot wife, or just a bitchy wife who didn’t want to live in Detroit?

Hole: DH. Options: Mark Kotsay, Hideki Matsui, Brad Hawpe, Magglio Ordonez, Marcus Thames, Q, Teahen, Tdogg, PierzynskiRules, Anyone Else Who Wants The Job.

*I haven’t even ranked any of these suckers (not the posters here, obviously), because this is just….tragedy as comedy. Let’s enjoy, shall we?*

Mark Kotsay (see Teahen, Mark above.): LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Hideki Matsui: (Heavy shrug). I was never a Godzilla fan. Dude raked in New York, got broken, went balls to the wall in the World Series and got the boot to LAA. I’m not impressed, don’t think he has much left and don’t want the silly media circus that travels with him. Like Nicki Minaj said, "Hang it up, flat-screen."

Brad Hawpe: Not a terrible idea, IMO. I put him in the Pena-like bounceback candidate territory. His swing looks long to me, even if it actually isn’t.

Maggs: We all know him, even if he’s divisive. KenWo’s idea to bring him back has merit, I think (but really man, he ain’t gonna take a 75% pay cut. This is Scott Boras). Problems are three fold: the first being health, the second being Ozzie and the third being I think Maggs genuinely likes Detroit. The fans there certainly like him (as colin can attest) and he may just take less to stay with fellow countrymen Miguel Cabrera.

Marcus Thames: Hey, if you don’t have a dollar, I’ll take 25 cents. I could live with it, albeit crankily. And we’ve already done Q/Teahen.

Seriously, anyone else wanna DH for the 2011 White Sox?