FanPost

RRRR: Snacks on a Plane

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I am sitting, now, in the hospital, writing this RRRR with my thumb and the help of a coffee addled brain and I can't help but think about all these decrepit OPOS begging for attention in their motorized wheelchairs and oxygen tanks.  This is their life.  They sit at home, watch cowboy movies, go to the hospital, probably think about lost friends and wait to die.  

I hate to be callous but what are these people waiting for?  They are a pathetic and depressing drag on society. They are boring too, I stopped counting how many of these shells have commented on the weather or how its been 30 years since Natalie Wood's death/murder?.  Something tells me these old people haven't been as sweet and benign their whole lives, undoubtedly each has their own dubiously checkered past.

When/if I get to the point where there is nothing to look forward to but finding out how much phlegm comes up in each incessant and thoroughly repulsive cough or guessing whether or not my great-grandson will actually answer his cellphone because I crave human contact...I will take a prescription and crown cocktail and welcome the lack of nothing and everything.  When the coroner tells you that he/she died a natural death it is probably code for (he/she finally ended his/her life by overdosing).

This......I got interrupted, my wife's room was called for rapid response.  When they announced it, I thought, "No way it is her.  Its probably one of the several hundred rolling dead I see around here."  She had a vasovagal attack due to her procedure but she is fine now.  Sheesh.  Tebow please forgive me for being a remorseless and insensitive bastard and spare my loved ones, quit being a bitch and picking on her, bring it to me Tebow!

My three questions this week:

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1.  Hoodie is curious about American snacks.  What is your favorite?  Mine is/are Parliament Lights but pistachios come in a close second.

2.  I watched a PBS program the other night about a guy who raised and lived with wild turkeys for a few years.  Which wild animal would you want to be accepted by and live with?  I would choose dolphins since I heard their vaginas are about as close as you can get to human.  You know that wild turkey guy wanted to bang those turkeys. Am I kidding?

3.  Who is your favorite historical figure?  I dig Cao Cao because he united the Three Kingdoms.  I also am a fan of Claudius.  If you have not read John Williams' Augustus, you should...

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