I Like the White Sox: The South Side Circus

Everyday I like you watch the White Sox, and everyday like you I hope that this will be the turning point, but yet everyday like you, I witness the hapless bad comedy show that is our team.  To make matters worse, the two teams that no one picked to lead the division are up there kicking ass, while we're down here making complete fools out of ourselves as every game goes on.  More pitching implosions, more stranded base runners, more defensive miscues, I don't know how much more I can take of this.  So I decided to come up with seven solutions to help the White Sox improve.

1-Take Gordon Beckham to an Outfield reunion concert.  Then again, who the hell were they?  Didn't they have one song that Beckham used to come out to?  I remember Paul Konerko recommended to him to change his at bat song.  It was Metallica Seek and Destroy for a while.  Perhaps he should select some Slayer.  It may work out better.  I don't know which song, but Mandatory Suicide would be a nice pick.  Has a nice opening riff.

2-Matt Thornton needs to go to Arizona to visit his special friend.  Do you remember that bro-mance that Thornton used to joke about with J.J. Putz?  Well, there is no bromance for Matty anymore.  This could be the reason why he is giving up Cadillacs and Beamers every day he takes the mound.  I guess Jesse Crain is not as cuddly as Putz is.

3-I think that Danks and Humber should start kicking it like the rest of the starting rotation and just give up the game early.  What's the use of pitching your ass of when your team is going to fail you anyway? 

4-If AJ wants to catch baserunners stealing; he should light the cannon and aim towards second base, not try to hit pitches off of it.

5-Alex Rios should get paid only $10 for the season.  Every time he gets a hit, give him back a little bit more of the contract.

6-Can we get our Jim Thome back?  Version 2.0 is a donkey and can't hit as much.  Nice homer yesterday though.  I'm glad the guy we signed to replace the hydra is tied with the little guy for home runs on the team.

7-I would say fire Greg Walker, but I think that one has been covered if not this year, few before.

Yes I know I'm being silly but what else can you do?  Our team flat out sucks ass right now.  I have to disagree with our fearless leader, they are not boring.  In fact, it's getting to be straight up comical and you have to ask yourself, how are they going to blow this game now?  You could make it a contest in the Sun Times.  Instead of a pick to click, you can do click to pick, the stoner of the game.  In fact, we should have a stoner of the game.  What's the use of having a player of the game?  Find out who gave the game up this week.

I said this last year, and I will say it again.  Perhaps the meetup will be the turning point.  It was the last two years if I'm correct.  All I know is when people say, it's only May, its like.  Yes and if I have to watch another 4 months of this shit, I'm going to jump off a bridge.

Anyway, they can do it, right guys?  Make a list and accomplish goals. 

  • Stop fucking up
  • Hit the ball
  • Catch the ball
  • Run and score
  • Catch Detroit
  • Catch Kansas City
  • Don't let Minnesota back in
  • Catch Cleveland
  • Win division
  • Win LCS
  • Win World Series
  • Have  a parade
  • Smile at Cub fans
  • Repeat next year

Go White Sox!!!!!

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