35 Thoughts

So I’ve been thinking…

…The AL Central is bad, which is fortunate for the Sox given Juan Pierre’s existence.

…Brent Lillibridge could strikeout every at bat for the rest of the season and I wouldn’t care. His glove provided life when the team was dead. He was the ‘Bridge over troubled water. I am forever grateful.

…Not only does A.J. Pierzynski look like a member of Fight Club but I think he might actually be Tyler Durden. The first rule of White Sox baseball is: You don’t question A.J. Pierzynski.

…I’m still waiting for Pierre to turn on Beast Mode. Is there like a power up he needs to find first? Are there coins spread throughout U.S. Cellular that he needs to collect? What about a cheat code?

…Why does a black person from [insert any U.S. city] wear a White Sox hat?

…The Sox are Cal Naughton Jr. and the Twins are Ricky Bobby. Sure we will slingshot you ahead of us!

…I now watch White Sox games on mlb.tv and it’s amazing how much I miss the commercials. Someone fill me in, does State Farm still offer discounts up to 40% on car insurance?

…I give the White Sox draft a C+. Because I can.

…If a batter is slumping, they might change their at bat music. If the whole team is slumping, I think it’s time to get rid of Thunderstruck.

…I’m kidding. I love Thunderstruck. Calm down.

…Watching the White Sox lose is often frustrating. Watching them lose 1-0 against the Twins is straight up terrorism.

…If Michael Lewis wrote Ozzieball instead, it still would be bullshit.

…Paul Konerko has driven in 18.7% of the total runs the Sox have scored. It seems like he’s done more than that but it’s still third best in baseball behind only Ryan Howard and Matt Kemp.

…As a leadoff hitter, Juan Pierre is great at getting the first out of the game.

…AT&T should add more views to the U-verse Multiview. It’s not quite ridiculous enough as is.

…Jesse Crain’s slider is everything it was supposed to be. I like when this happens.

… Imagine you went to high school with all the players on the White Sox. Beckham would be prom king, Konerko would be student council president, Quentin would be the smart kid who won’t let you cheat off him, Morel would be in jazz band, Dunn would be the dumb jock, Buehrle would be your best friend, Pierzynski would flirt with your girlfriend right in front of you, Rios would get all the girls, and Lillibridge would still be little.

…Gosh, Ozney Guillen must really suck.

…Adam Dunn’s RE25 is -1.25. This cannot be good.

…The last place Padres and Astros have higher attendance right now than the White Sox. High ticket prices, bad weather, and bad baseball will do that.

…Is it fair to call Juan Pierre a zero tool player at this point?

…If Adam Dunn shows up next spring training without touching a bat all winter, I am burning my neighbor’s house down.

…I wish Gordon Beckham wasn’t so likeable. Then I could mock his inability to hit a fastball.

…Brian Bruney is actually not a complete waste of space.

…One of these times, Carlos Quentin is gonna go apeshit after getting plunked. And it will be awesome.

…I still won’t admit it; Daniel Hudson is not better than Edwin Jackson. Jackson is just saving himself for the bullpen. It’s called being smart.

…Brent Morel’s at bat music should be “You’ll Never Walk Alone” by Gerry and the Pacemakers. Walk on, my friend.

…Bobby Jenks has a 6.57 ERA and back pains. It turns out, Ozzie was his backbone. Or maybe he’s just fat.

…Pale and Hosed is the #1 White Sox podcast. Everyone should check it out.

…Dallas McPherson is about as close to a one-hit wonder as you can be. That hit in the 8th inning of a 3-3 game against Texas was huge!

…I voted for Juan Pierre in the All-Star balloting and a small part of me died inside.

…Remember when Gordon Beckham had his MLBlog? Boy, was it awful. It was like every SNL skit that Kenan Thompson somehow appears in.

…How do you get a 16,000 square foot house in Scottsdale?

…Alex Rios leaves much to be desired, but I do like the way he patrols center field. He’s a pretty boy's Aaron Rowand.

…My thoughts are largely sarcastic and negative, yet we are only 5.5 games back! You’ve gotta be bleeping me!

Sox fan, Here!,

Pete Fitzgerald