Rhubarb's Inaugural Fan Fiction Fray


This fan murdering team has sapped me of my creative juices.  At times, I feel like I am dumber than I was after a game is over. I have probably missed 4 games this year, so I'm growing fairly stupid.  Stupid enough to run a fan fiction contest!  As most of you know, I take great enjoyment in writing fan fiction for the likes of you people.  I'm not sure which is more futile and nerdy:  fan fiction or model railroading.  Regardless, I offer a bounty for the most bizarre and well written fiction piece about anything related to the White Sox.

The winner recieves the following:

  • A Dayan Viciedo T-Shirt valued at 34.99.  (we can only hope that the winner will not use it to cut his grass in three years due to potential irrelevancy. If you would like me to put PimpChrist on the shirt instead of Viciedo I would gladly do so.
  • The winning story gets their story posted by yours truly so I can whore all the rec's that get attributed to it. 
  • The winner will go down in history as the victor in Rhubarb's Inaugural Fan Fiction Fray (RIFFF) and will receive all the respect and honor that comes with that distinction.


  • No poems or haiku.  Although if someone were to write an epic poem, I would probably accept that and be excited about it.
  • If you think your story sucks it probably does so don't even bother submitting it to me.  I don't want to pity your idiocy.
  • The following people are disqualified to submit...ThanksDye GOgo Sox, bobpuller and SoxfanCT.
  • I would like to have two more judges to volunteer their eyeballs to this.  If you don't plan on writing and want to get involved.  Let me know.
  • The contest ends on July 7th.  I will ship the T-Shirt to your address that you will provide me and it won't even be cash-on-delivery.  I assure you this is not some sort of Dahmer stalking event, I will not show up at your house in an overcoat.  
  • If I receive three or fewer submissions the contest is null and void.
  • All submissions must adhere to Noose's loose standards.  No racist or sexual shit.  If you are going to do an extended metaphor for a personal attack at of one of the regulars least make it cryptic or lighthearted.
  • I reserve the right to change the title if I see fit to.
  • I will not have any bias when selecting the winner.  If I hate you, you can still win.
  • If larry submits a story, second place will get a larry White Sox shirt unless first place would rather have the larry shirt.

This is not a joke.  Submit your stories to me via email at

There are some hilarious and creative people in our midst.  I have writer's block, you guys have to pick me up here! Smoke a joint drink a scotch and get writing.  Don't be a pussy. THIS MEANS YOU MECHANICAL TURK AND LIZARDO!

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