This isn't exactly breaking news by now, but holy shit, Carlos Zambrano has elevated himself to the pinnacle, the zenith, the apex, the pantheon, nay the hall of fame of douchebaggery. His notion of pissing away $24 million dollars- conceived, mind you, as a solution to his very own inability to avoid being one of the world's premier douchebags- is likely the douchebag idea of the season. Only in Wrigleyville could a player turn himself into this veritable tautology of douchedom; only there could a man, by virtue solely of his own unassailable wretchedness, turn what should normally be an occasion of sympathy for another loss in another lost season, into a spectacle of such cataclysmic egotism that even the Cubs organization and the sorry hordes of lemmings known as Cub fans are throwing up in their mouths. It is beautiful in its purity, desolation, and futility, this confluence of a douchebag, his douchebag behavior, his douchebag response to his own douchebaggery- and, ultimately, their demoralizing effect on the legions of douchebags who pay to watch him suck.