I have more faith in Dagon than I do in this man. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)
Narwhals don't actually exist. Somewhere along the line a taxidermist got bored and attached a whittled down elephant tusk to an ugly whale. The fact that museums present these as actual animals amuses me to no end.
Shia LaBeouf is a believable and likeable leading man.
Dustin Pedroia can dunk a basketball. Kansas is a wonderful state and a great place to live.
Professional basketball is fun to watch all the time, not just in the playoffs.
The majority of things you learn in elementary school classes is vital to your adult life.
Jeff Dunham is hilarious.
Millard Fillmore is the most underrated president in American history.
Sushi is delicious and a perfectly cromulant way to eat food.
The writers of
Lost knew what they were doing the whole time.
The Office is still the funniest show on TV. Tony La Russa is a fantastic manager and a model human being.
Timothy Dalton was the best James Bond. Sean Connery was the worst.
My beloved Fighting Illini will win the Big Ten this year.
Colin isn't secretly a girl.
Ozzie and Kenny actually have a plan.
Jared Mitchell is going to turn it around and become an All-Star level performer in the majors. The Egyptian's had it right all along. Praise Ra!
I am both handsome AND charming.
Life was better in the 1930's than it is today.
Grunge is making a comeback.
Streetlights are operated by tiny monkeys with lanterns. When the light flashes red, the monkey has gotten drunk.
People will enjoy this article.
Taylor Swift is a musical genius. Tom Waits, not so much.
This article is more analysis than satire. I have a clear understanding of categories.
Riding a bike to class in jeans in 104 degree heat is a great idea. The sweat is just wrong answers leaving the body.
Vet school has had no effect on my sanity/well-being.