FanPost

Presidential Wrestling League

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via www.typeforyou.org

 

 

A Royal rumble between our great nations most electable wrestlers. The rules are as follows:

Two wrestlers in the ring initially, and the remaining participants are introduced in order in 90 second intervals, rather than all beginning at the same time. In addition, to be eliminated, a wrestler must be thrown over the top rope, with both feet touching the floor. 

Presidents level of fitness is determined by their tenure as president, not their primes as physical specimens. There will be 2 grover clevelands competing

Entrance order is determined randomly, not by order in which they took office.

The contestants are as follows:

George Washington "Carver" age: 57

move: The Cherry Chopper

John "Alien" Adams age: 62

move: The Boston Massacre

Tom "The Declaration" Jefferson age: 58

move: The Louisiana Purchase

James "Mad Man" Madison age: 58

move: The Embargo

"Gentleman Jim" Monroe age: 59

move: The Monroe Doctrine

John "Q!" adams age: 58

move: Era of Bad Feelings

Andrew "Old Hickory" Jackson age:62

move: The Trail of Tears

Martin "The Little Magician" Van Buren age: 55

move: The Barnburner

"Hollywood" William Henry Harrison age: 68

move: The Innaugarater

John "His Ascendency" Tyler age:51

move: The Successor

James "Young Hickory" Polk age: 50

move: The Napolean Stumper, or The Wilmot Proviso

"Ol' Rough and Ready" Zachary Taylor age:65

move: Santa Anna Winds

MIllard "Mallard" Filmore age: 50

move: The Piledriver

Franklin "Dough Face" Pierce age 49

move: The Missouri Compromise

James "The Worst" Buchanon age: 66

move: The Failure to Prevent the Civil War

Abe "Railsplitter" Lincoln age: 52

move: The Emancipation Proclamation

Andrew "The Assassin" Johnson age: 57

move: The Impeachment

Ulysses "The General" Grant age: 47

move: The Reconstruction

Rutherford "Willie Mays" Hayes age: 55

move: The Electoral College

James "Fat Cat" Garfield age:50

move: The Chokeslam

Chester "The Champion" Arthur age: 52

move: The Chester A. Arthritis

Grover Cleveland "Alexander" age: 48

move: The Spitball

 Benjamin "Beardy" Harrison age: 56

move: The Soup Saver

Grover "The Great" Cleveland age: 56

move: The Non-consecutive Term, The Cleveland Steamer

William "Mount" Mckinley age: 54

move: The Gold Standard

Teddy "Roughrider" Roosevelt age: 43

move: The Big Stick, or The Trustbuster

William Howard "The Giant" Taft age: 52

move: The Chief Justice, or The Tub Filler

Woodrow "Woody" Wilson age: 57

move: The Fourteen Points

Warren "The G-Man" Harding age: 56

move: The Teapot Dome

"Silent Cal" Coolidge age:51

move: The Attitude Adjustment

2.  Herbert "Hard Times" Hoover (h/t Teahenny Penny) age: 54

move: The Great Depression, or The Stock Market Crash

Franklin "Wheels" Roosevelt age: 51

move: The Crippler Crossface

Harry "The Buck Stopper" Truman age: 61

move: The Atomic Bomb, The Habberdasher

DwIght D. "Ike" Eisenhower age: 63

move: The Military-Industrial Suplex

John F. "Dead" Kennedy age: 44

move: Tombstone Piledriver, or the California Uber Alles, or The Government Flu, or The Cuban Missile

Lyndon "The Southern Dandy" Johnson age 55

move: The Senate Majority Whip, or The War on Poverty, or The Tet Offensive

"Tricky Dick" Nixon age: 56

move: The Deep Throat, or The Saturday Night Massacre

Gerald "The Wolverine" Ford age:61

move: The Pardon, or The Pratfall

Jimmy "The Georgia Peanut" Carter age: 53

move: The Gas Crisis, or the Nobel War Prize

Ronald "Jellybean" Reagan age: Fucking 70

move The Great Communicator, or Mourning in America

"Gorgeous" George H. W. Bush age:65

move The Thousand Points of Light

"Slick Willie" Clinton age: 47

move: The Whitewater, or The Definition of 'Is'

George "The Decider" Bush age: 55

move: Mission Accomplished, or The Preztel Face

1.  Barack "The Flyin' Hawaiian" Obama age: 48

move: Hope and Change, the Congressional Gridlock, The Terrorist Fist Jab

 

That took a while. I'll put up a poll after i hear if anyone cares or has better ideas.

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