When I began my first tour of duty at the Chicago White Sox blog, the SouthSideSox, I had just gotten out of basic and had yet to experience battle firsthand. Sure, I had played baseball at a high level for the majority of my life and had been showered with praise, awards and trophies by those in the amateur baseball "industry". One does not hit above .500 for the better parts of a decade and not receive any adulation from those who have witnessed such greatness.
So I was utterly shocked by the reaction of the SSS regulars in regard to my first sojourn into Internet commentary. You all loathed me, you all thought my ideas were horrible and didn't make any sense. I couldn't for the life of me believe the way I was being treated because for most of my life if I said "jump" people would jump and if I said "suck", people would suck.
I mean, here I am a veritable treasure trove of on-field knowledge and I have a scathing attorney who takes great joy in ruining the reputation of blog recruits destined for greatness drag my good name through the mud. It took me two months to finally decide on the name Rhubarb and here is this little bastard rallying the internet baseball nerd commentariat against the likes of me, the one with the actual real life knowledge.
There are but a few sure things in life: 2+2=4, the Sun will rise in the East and Jim Thome clogs bases. How could no one see what I saw? Everything that happens in this world can be seen with a pair of eyes, opinions vary but the false opinions are usually relegated to people who don't fully grasp what is going through the heads of the actors, in this case--the baseball players on the field.
After several months of soul searching and pondering the meaning of life following the verbal abuse spat my way by the vicious, poisonous snake, larry—in late 2009, I decided that I would hire my 30 year old nephew, Adam Levin (author of The Instructions), to ghost write some Fanposts for me, do my Internet commenting and to act as my proxy at the various methups I/he was eventually invited to. Adam feels real bad for lying to all the "friends" he has made in the process but he has decided it is finally time to get on with his life and leave his blog life behind. The guilt is very heavy on his heart for making so many fake friends and he hopes you can all just forget about him and move on with evenyoudorn.
Thankfully, prior to activating my Rhubarb account in 2009, I had made an account by the name of floridajim on March 25th, 2008 at an Internet Café. This way I could still interject my ideas upon the ignorant blog populace without losing the reputation that my nephew had been building for me under the guise of Rhubarb.
Most people seem to think that that floridajim, is some sorry old bastard living out his last days in the seedy underbelly of Boca Raton. Nothing could be further from the truth. I actually broadcast from Waseca, in the heart of Minnesota Twin country. I named myself floridajim because it was my belief at the time that Jim Thome should have retired and wiled away his days playing shuffleboard and bridge. You just can't win without speed, how else could you get on base? I couldn't stomach the stupidity and I assure you that I can stomach quite a bit when it comes to the favorite team of mine the Chicago White Sox of Illinois, Cook County.
I still don't get why people think "inferstructure" is so funny. We have some serious inferstructure problems in this country--especially in Chicago and Minnesota. Adam has admitted to me that he is not the best speller in the world and actually thought that is how to spell inferstructure but apparently it's not. That is why they pay editors the big bucks. Of course, the nerdy bloggers would infer something else about the structure of that word and cause it to be celebrated like a long cancelled internet cartoon.
Either way, the charade is over. Adam is now living in Mongolia working on a novel about a cancer-written Senegalese girl who is trying to save the world by making magic clay pots filled with hopes and dreams. The kind of novel only a CUB FAN would write because that is what Adam is…a Cub fan. I will henceforth be reappropriating my account and resume regaling pnoles and my other disciples with knowledge such as: Alejandro De Aza should be selling knife sets door-to-door, Robin should go back to the surf with the rest of the hippies and we have got to do something about all the foreigners ruining the game that I love—the game created by Abner Doubleday for the Union troops, godblesshiseverylovingsoul.
This will be my very last comment directed towards other commenters as floridajim. I think I can handle being both Rhubarb AND floridajim now. I assure you that I am not SoxFanCT, HamiltonBartholomew, cb46nep10, natethesnake, bobpuller and knoxfire.