Writing Ugly, Week 3

In a week that featured Maikel Cleto trying to close out a game, Adam Dunn trying to score from first, and Alexei Ramirez trying to set the record for most first pitch groundouts to the shortstop, there was plenty of bad stuff to distract our attention from the 52 guys currently injured or on the disabled list. Wait a minute. It wasn’t all bad, though. We got to see Paulie make a diving stab at first, starting a big double play and warranting, to my count, the first "You gotta be bleeping me!" of the season, which is enough to keep me around another week. Let’s get into it.

Chris Sale

There are several things wrong with Chris Sale throwing 127 pitches in a game. I will name a few: that’s a lot of pitches; he’s really skinny; there’s a reason he dropped in the draft; he’s really skinny; bullpens exist (no matter how terrible they may be); he’s really skinny; he is essentially Diet Jake Peavy out there, unable to police himself; he’s really skinny; he has a three-quarter delivery; he’s really skinny; Sox still lost the game, in a year in which they are rebuilding, making wins in April sort of meaningless; he’s really skinny; Herm isn’t actually a wizard; he’s really skinny; he’s our franchise player; he’s really skinny. I’m sure I missed some. Point being, I, too, wanted to watch Sale duke it out with John Lester forever, but pitch counts are real and the fact that Sale is averaging 112 pitches an outing this year is ridiculous. You can’t win the Cy Young on the DL and that was the thing we had to look forward to this year the most. Robin isn’t taking enough heat for this.

Check Swings and Flying Bats

To my best knowledge, the Sox have two guys leading the league in stats that no one keeps track of. If that’s not a teaser of a sentence I don’t know what is. But I’m fairly confident Alejandro De Aza (more like Alejandro De Awful, am I right) leads the league in check swings, which is a pretty good sign he’s not seeing the ball well and Jordan Danks should be playing more. I’m even more confident Tyler Flowers leads the league in terrifying bat tosses into the stands. His one-arm elongated follow-through leads to some pretty impressive distances on some of his heaves. It’s getting to the point where it wouldn’t surprise me if the PA guy made an announcement before all of his at bats, "Reminder that flying objects can enter the stands at anytime FOR GODSAKES PROTECT OUR YOUTH!" Get that man some more pine tar. While we’re at it, Paul Konerko is surely leading the league in Depressing At Bats. Womp.

Thinking About Designated Hitters

I have to believe Rick Hahn traded for Matt Davidson with the vision of him starting at DH in 2015. That’s really the only way that makes sense – with Beckham at second, moving Semien to third, and possibly keeping Gillaspie as a platoon against righties. The two big concerns with Davidson are his contact rate (welcome aboard!) and his defense. This eliminates one of those concerns. The problem is the roster is entirely clusterfucked at the moment (no matter how hard I try, Jeff Keppinger is still under contract), so it will be hard to know what Davidson is capable of until next year. The other DH candidates are Dayan Viciedo (pleasant surprise thus far), signing a veteran like Jonny Gomes or Delmon Young (no), and keeping Adam Dunn around for another year (kidding). This whole paragraph is basically just a way of saying that the .500 ball the Sox are playing right now is great and all, but I’m really just treating it as an appetizer to 2016. That’s going to be the year.

Just Joshua Fieldsing Around

A quick peek across town and around the AL Central.

Twins: How’s Tsuyoshi Nishioka doing for you guys?

Indians: Memo to John Axford: Remember when you threw that first pitch, belt-high fastball to Alexei Ramirez? That was really dumb of you.

Tigers: Can’t wait for a 330 pound Miguel Cabrera playing when he’s 40. "Hitting your own weight" will be both embarrassing and very impressive.

Royals: I’m sure you are already aware, but for every quality start James Shields throws, your chances of resigning him go down. Unless of course Yost murders his arm first, then he’s all yours!

Cubs: You have the BP Cup but, because of that, we pick ahead of you in the draft. I hope Hahn takes whatever guy Theo wants since that probably means he’ll be good.

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