FanPost

RRRR: Simian Synapses Causing Complications

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The polar ice caps are melting into the San Andreas Fault and all the locals developed pig aids from the pork production industry's easing of compliance regulations by supreme court orders. Carbon emissions from food manufacturing facilities are giving millions of citizens diabetes and corn syrup is causing lung cancer in otherwise healthy bovines unless they are injected with nanobots to alter their DNA so they can eat genetically modified chaff that allow them to breath long enough to reach culinary maturity.

The flooding in Bangladesh can be traced to the drought in the western United States as the snow pack melts in the Adirondacks to wash away the dental decay issues in the coal townies caused by Yellow-5 and unfiltered adult tobacco pacifiers. The American Dental Association claims periodontal disease will kill people quicker in order to solidify Colgate's position in the pantheon of corporate Gods.

The dollar's value is dropping due to the machinations of the Western Hoolock Gibbon's struggle against imposed extinction by the evolved and dapper Hominidae sitting on piles of silver inside their Hardy Board Bojangle mansions. Infinity thread, three million piece suits spun by Rumplestiltskin's scion are being shorted on the market but giant Alligator arms are tightly clenching counterfeit capital.

The Southern North American Homosapiens have been dying in droves due to lead poisoning occurring inside their tactical bunkers filled with stockpiled ammunition and illiteracy. Homeland Security's Advisory System warns against a low risk of empathy exhibited toward the learned by these brainwashed serfs. The cure has been found but the mothers don't want to share their breast milk in the Oil Belt because Planned Parenthood has been all but rendered useless.

In conclusion, I present this bill before Congress in an effort to alleviate the concerns denoting the militarization of the meathead mafia in the name of liberty and progress. I intend to misremember the subatomic issuances by the committee for the Corpuscular Theory of Blight as had been set forth by the almighty dollar gremlins in the American Kremlin.

Now tell me what you think.

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