With all this talk of the White Sox being unable to sign Mark Buehrle due to payroll constraints, the coverage of the trade of Sergio Santos and the idle speculation regarding possible trades of John Danks, Carlos Quentin and Gavin Floyd, the White Sox beat writers completely missed the most important White Sox story of the offseason: the retirement of Donny Lucy. So, once again, it's left to us at South Side Sox to pick up the slack.

As we all know, Donny was a key performer. His career line of .250/.318/.425 is excellent for a catcher. But it's not just his superlative on-field skills that mattered. As a Stanford graduate, he brought a Greg Maddux-esque cerebral approach to the game. Scouts raved about his ability to handle pitching staffs, which is no surprise considering he is a summa cum laude graduate of the White Stag Leadership Camp. His mere presence inspired all those around him. Donny was Tim Tebow before Tim Tebow was Tim Tebow. Without all that Jesus crap.

I mean, just look at that picture of Donny. It says composure without conceit. Valor without vengeance. Hair without dandruff.

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Remember, remember the 18th of November

South Side Revolution and plot.

I see no reason why South Side Revolution

Should ever be forgot.

Comrades, today is a great day.  Today is the anniversary of South Side Sox throwing off the callous chains of The Cheat and finally realizing the dreams of SSSers: blogosphere supremacy.

One year ago today, I spoke to you of the decay at the very center of SSS.  Like the butt cancer in The Cheat's butt, The Cheat was a cancer in our hearts, eating away at the aspirations of the People.  Many scoffed at me when I said SSS would be great again.  They jeered when I promised a new dawn, for ourselves and our children.  They now scoff and jeer at the rats in their foul cells beneath my basement.

Jealous of the paradise we have created here, many have attempted to challenge the ascendancy of SSS.  Chicago White Sox Examiner was quickly dispatched.  Beerleaguer was drowned in his product.  In front of his children, of course.  Brett Ballantini learned that SSS uses the MSM for its own ends and discards as quickly as it befriends.  And I vaguely recall a skirmish with something called the Herald Daily.  But I don't concern myself with the prattle of provincial "publications."

Yes, comrades, we have indeed accomplished much in a year.  And today we can celebrate our victory around the pike still skewering the rotten skeleton of The Cheat.  But a revolution is never complete.  Even now, amidst the revelry, the Central Committee - guided by the steady and unerring hand of Dear Leader, Jim Margalus - is vigilant to the continuing threats from outsiders, as well as from the counterrevolutionaries in our midst.  We will repel all pretenders to the Chicago White Sox blogging throne.  And we will smoke out the traitors from their vile lairs in the dark recesses of SSS.  The means of blogging will remain ours, now and forevermore.

The White Sox had two finalists for the Gold Glove awards for Monday night's broadcast, and while Mark Buehrle came away with the honor for the third straight year, A.J. Pierzynski was robbed.

Check that -- all of us were robbed, because had Pierzynski won the Gold Glove, the reaction would have been hilarious. Not only is the 111th-best defensive catcher out of 114 according to Beyond the Box score's rankings, but he's also widely despised around baseball. That's two whole layers of disgust!

I was mostly sure that Pierzynski wouldn't win the Gold Glove. But had he received that distinction, my plan was to watch the angry volcano explode and collect the best of the bile.

Alas, we can only dream about what Pierzynski's reaction would've been...

...or maybe we don't have to! South Side Sox sources obtained a copy of this not-at-all-fake press release the White Sox never got to send on Pierzynski's behalf. Or maybe I actually did dream it up, typed it all out, and went back to sleep. The keyboard imprint on the right side of my face suggests the latter, but it's below the jump either way.

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TP invited me to take the reins for a bit.  

The flat screen is his.  The old name brand recliner mottled with beer and pizza stains from way back when, his.  The glass topped coffee table, the big red sectioned couch with the dog fur and the faint seriously impossible to place weird smell, the smaller bookshelf, the larger not-from-Ikea bookshelf, the twenty year old Kenwood Dolby 2.1 receiver, the dog, those were hers.  Are still hers, of course.  But they’re gone and she’s gone and the place is very empty and dark since he either didn’t notice or didn’t care that the sun went down.  

Pretty much devoid of furniture, the living room still has to deal with the takeout remnants.  Which means the white fold up overfull leftover boxes of rice (Dunn always asks for an extra; he hates when they don’t give you enough) are sitting on the still fairly-new carpet.  He got through two of the three boxes, good for a .667 on-plate percentage.  It’s the same on-floor percentage, he absently calculates, since one made it to the still-not-technically-full trash can.

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Yeah girl, pick up that pencil.  Mmm...

 

Someone just brought up the Boise State-Georgia score again.

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Welcome to the first congregation of the Church of Donny.  At South Side Sox, we realize that there are many of you out there who still have not accepted Donny as your (and the White Sox') savior.  Last night's game, however, should lay to rest any doubts that may still exist in the minds of fans.  Let's go over just a few of the miracles He performed against the heathen Indians:

• The White Sox are now above .500 for the first time since early April.
• After hitting just eight (8) triples in their first 120 games, the White Sox hit five (5) triples yesterday.  This would not have happened if He was not in the third base dugout, drawing White Sox baserunners to Him.
• The White Sox had 22 hits, a season high.
• Brent Lillibridge was intentionally walked for the first time in his career.  However, because Lillibridge still worships a different god, Donny had to punish him by causing him to be doubled-up. That's a lesson to all the other players.  Stop worshiping false idols.
  
• Shin-Soo Choo, one of the best defenders in baseball, committed multiple mistakes.
• In perhaps His most impressive miracle, Juan Pierre hit a home run.

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This year, White Sox fans have two options when it comes to picking a spring training destination: Glendale or Tampa.

(Thanks to my buddy David M. Baker for putting it together.)

Hello from warm, sunny Colombia!  Wow, how things have changed in just a few months! That Kenny Williams sure strikes fast, huh.  Adam Dunn is the exact opposite of me - I guess that's why he has a job, haha!  And Kenny managed to get rid of Linebrink. Boy did that guy suck. Me and Alexei used to make fun of him in Spanish when he came on to pitch. The redneck had no idea!

Listen, the reason I'm calling is that I've heard you guys are getting new management soon and he's bringing with him some new rules.  And those rules include that your old pal, OC, can't call anymore and that gorgeous vixen, Mrs. Cowley, can't be mentioned anymore.  This can mean only one thing: Joe Cowley is the new Managing Editor of South Side Sox.

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