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FIRE JOE MORGAN: I Have Good News and Bad News

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This is hilarious: Scott Miami, FL: What's your opinion of the Marlins this year? Joe Morgan: They've got possibly the best player in the league. I know a lot of people do not think that way. He can do everything, and can hit from power from shortstop. KT: Haven't said his name yet. He's a special player. What's his name, Joe? The other guys do not have as good a track record. You're just stalling now. What's his name? Ramirez gets better each year. There it is. The Marlins will be only as good as he is. His production will depend on how much other teams pitch to him. Seems like the old Joe, right? But get this: Joe Morgan: If you use statistics, last year he was the most productive player in the league. I just accidentally swallowed my computer. Hang on. Okay. Joe Morgan said: "If you use statistics, last year H-Ram was the most productive player in the league." Fuck. Just swallowed my computer again accidentally. I am typing this with my epiglottis. Hang on. There we go. In 2007, Hanley Ramirez did not win the NL Batting Title. He did not hit the most HR, or score the most runs, or have the most hits. He did not have the highest SLG or OBP. He didn't lead the league in SB or 2B or 3B or really any individual category. So, the only way that Joe could really mean what he says, is if he's talking about... VORP? Hanley led the NL in VORP last year, at 89.5. David Wright was second at 81.1. Is it possible -- is it remotely possible? -- that Joe knows about VORP? I just swallowed my computer and the coffee table it was on and my arm up to the elbow.

FJM- The Selfish Meme

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I'm sure most of you probably peruse firejoemorgan.com on a regular basis, but I saw an article about our beloved Sox and the writing phenomenon known as Joe Cowley. If you hadn't bookmarked this page prior to this do it now. It's usually good for a laugh at some idiot sportswriter's expense.

FJM: Heady Days

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Friends, we have truly entered a strange era of sports journalism criticism. It's not like the salad days of sports journalism criticism, where all of the sports journalism was straightforward and sincere in its idiocy. Nowadays, it seems to me, the increasing prominence of sports journalism criticism has led to what appears to be ironic sports journalism, which -- again, it appears to me -- seems to be either (a) taking into account or (b) outright like seeking sports journalism criticism, in order to draw attention to itself or get more hits for its specific site, or just maybe to stir some good old fashioned shit. (If these pieces in fact contain what the legal system calls "intent," they might be properly called: sports journalism criticism criticism. This is one of those f(f(f(x))) deals that make Junior giddy.) With this Pynchonian-style paranoia as my backdrop, I present to you what was called "The Most Ridiculous Article Ever In The History of Everything Ever" by reader Matt. It comes from Jim Armstrong of AOL, and it's called: Baseball Stats Mania Rates a Zero Let's go ahead and take it as a given that this turdpile may be tongue in cheek, or at the very least, bait. If it's a parody, it's brilliant. If it's sincere, holy God. And if it's bait, well, I just bit, and it tastes delicious, even though I know the hook is about to pierce me through the lower jaw and drain my lifeforce. ... Bonus FJM link: Stop Being Bad at Baseball, You Selfish Asshole

XXX (via FJM)

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XXX (via FJM)

FJM: Darin Erstad Has Mad Stick Disease

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Sean McDonough, mastering understatement: Darin Erstad, the veteran. His first year in Houston...led the majors in hits and runs scored back in 2000, but his numbers have started to drift off in recent years.

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