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Don't try this at home

Just one more drink and I'll be gonePhil Rogers got a little tipsy at the Tribune Company's Christmas party on Friday night and penned us this trade scenario on a cocktail napkin.

The Cubs give up Zambrano, shortstop Neifi Perez, center fielder Corey Patterson, left-hander Will Ohman (expendable with Scott Eyre and Glendon Rusch available for the bullpen) and one of two on-the-cusp pitching prospects, either left-hander Rich Hill or right-hander Angel Guzman. They get Tejada and as many as five prospects who could fill needs in the near future--a pitcher (Hayden Penn, John Maine or Adam Loewen), two outfielders (Joe Borchard and one among the Baltimore group of Val Majewski, Jeff Florentino and Nick Markakis), first baseman Casey Rogowski and left-hander Arnie Munoz.

The Sox give up one arm from the Garland/Contreras/Garcia/Vazquez mix and four prospects who aren't being penciled in for big things--Borchard, Rogowski (a really good hitter who doesn't fit on a team that has Konerko and Thome), Munoz and Charles Haeger, a knuckleballer who pitched well in Venezuela after dominating Double A. They get back Bedard, a lefty with great stuff; Ohman, who fills the bullpen need and could allow Neal Cotts to move into the rotation in 2007; and either Hill or Guzman.

The Orioles wind up with the most inventory, as they should. They get Zambrano and Garland, Contreras, Garcia or Vazquez along with Perez, Patterson and Haeger. They give up Tejada, Bedard and a pitching prospect.

I hope he took a cab home.