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Make.it.stop.

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In the past week, the Sox have signed 3 left-handed pitchers. That's the best thing I can say about any of them. In fact, that is their only qualification; throwing left-handed.

Javier Lopez, Chad Bentz, and Stephen Randolph. They all suck. They're all left-handed.

Have you ever heard that the fastest way to the major leagues was as a LHP or a catcher? or even a LH catcher? This is why. You don't have to have any discernible skill. So you fathers looking to strike it rich with that little rugrat you've got following you around, tie his right hand behind his back. Or do what Chad Bentz' dad did; cut it off completely.

I don't know, or particularly care for that matter, how Chad lost his right hand. (That's right, he doesn't have a right hand. Shockingly, his idol growing up was Jim Abbott. Who would have guessed?) I'm reasonably sure his father didn't cut it off. I'm just a little bitted miffed about all these useless lefties' names being attached to the defending World Series Champs.

Thankfully, all of the deals have been of the non-guaranteed minor league variety, so there's a reasonable chance that none of them makes the club. Still, it's more likely that we at the very least see one of them doing their best Kevin Walker impression in a key situation at some point during the year.

Oh, and Jose F. Macias can got to hell too. Let's see what his entry at the BTF Wiki has to say about him.

In addition to playing third base (poorly), Macias also plays second base (poorly) and center field (poorly); he is also Dusty Baker's preferred pinch-hitting option.

[...]

deJesusFreak believes that Macias is the Cubs equivalent of "Milton" from Office Space, who managed to work at his company for years, continuing to draw a paycheck despite no one knowing what he does or why he is still there.

So in summary, the Sox traded one of the best left-handed pitchers in baseball the last 4 years for one of the best utility men in baseball. Then, they invite anyone with a left hand to camp, and contemplate signing one of the worst utility men in the game. Maybe Macias speaks Japanese.