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Ozzie Guillen needs his Schrute

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It's been raining here in the burbs since about 8PM last night, only stopping breifly to blow all those damn helicopter-whirlybird things off every maple tree in town into the crevices of my truck. I stopped to fill it up ($2.85/gal), and I had to spend a couple minutes digging all the pods out from the gas cap hatch area. The rain is showing no signs of stopping, and ForcastFox keeps popping up a severe weather alert that reads something like this.

DEEP LOW PRESSURE WILL REMAIN IN WEST CENTRAL LOWER MICHIGAN THIS AFTERNOON AND EVENING...DRIVING STRONG WEST TO NORTHWEST WINDS ACROSS NORTHERN ILLINOIS AND NORTHWEST INDIANA. TAKE SHELTER... DO NOT PLAY PABLO OZUNA IN THE OUTFIELD
Ozzie Guillen, physically unable to use his Opening Day lineup for 3 consecutive games, has taken note and cancelled tonight's game with the SoCal crew. Truth is, like us, he just wanted to watch the season finales of My Name is Earl and The Office. Reminder: Earl will start at 7:40 PM CDT and The Office will start at 8:20 CDT.

(I think it probably should have gone without saying that Ozzie Guillen doesn't have the authority to cancel a game. It makes for a better story. And the game is cancelled, by the way. No word on a scheduled make up date.)