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How do you say "douchebag lawyer" in Spanish

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I know a number of our most prolific commenters are lawyers, so I'll try to be as delicate as possible, making sure to no fall into the trap of making broad generalizations, as I call this one like I see it.

Recapping what we already know about this case.

  • Two men received minor injuries in "an exchange of gunfire" on an October Friday night in the Dominican.
  • The Dominican Farmer has said the shooter was Uribe, with Uribe's brother and "bodyguard" having some tangential involvement, though Uribe seems to have been in another town altogether.
  • The Italian Naval officer declined to file any charges, presumably because it wasn't worth wasting his time on such a weak case. He was never quoted, and as far as I'm concerned he may be Uribe's best defense -- aside from the complete lack of evidence tying him to the shooting, that is.
  • Uribe turned himself into authorities for questioning, bringing along his gun and submitting to forensic tests to clear his name. While we aren't able to know the exact results of those tests...
  • The Dominican District Attorney said there was not enough evidence to pursue a case against Uribe, and gave the prosecution 10 days to turn up some more compelling evidence. 10 days came and went. A month passed. Nothing... Then, out of nowhere, Uribe is back in court, even though there seems to be no new evidence.
  • Uribe will now have to report to court twice a month until the case is resolved, while the prosecutor is begging for more time to MAKE UP EVIDENCE conduct a thorough investigation, and exclaiming that they're going to make an example out of Uribe.
"One thing we agree upon with Uribe is that we want the case to be an example," said Faxas. "But we want the example to be that the law is the same for everyone, a famous baseball player or a common citizen."
Oh, and my client totally wants some of that "common citizen" money that Uribe has laying around.
"We're pushing for all avenues to be explored and exhausted among investigators and witnesses that were involved in the case from the beginning," Gonzalez's lawyer, Roberto Faxas said. "We expect that it will be at least another month and a half before the next hearing. In fact, we think two months or more would be appropriate for a solid investigation."
We're stalling so we can strengthen my client's position in his attempted extortion of the common man Uribe. How else do you think this Dominican Farmer is going to pay me?

The best thing I can say about this case is that they failed to get an order to prevent Uribe from leaving the country. As of the latest ruling, he will be able to travel back and forth to the US to play, but he still has to report to court every 15 days even though the prosecution will be taking their sweet ass time putting together the case against him.