Merry Christmas, Guys! It's Your Old Pal, OC.

Hello from sunny Colombia! I haven't spoke to you guys in a while so I wanted to check in, see how everyone is doing and wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 

I'm doing okay.  This offseason is looking a lot like last offseason - I just hope I know where I'll be playing before Spring Training!  How about those Yankees acquiring that douche Javy? Ha, ha - boy, that guy was a jagoff, huh, guys.

Listen, the reason I'm calling is because I could use some references.  I know you guys rolled over last time I asked you to do something for me but I thought maybe you'd be willing to do this.  Maybe if somebody calls instead of saying I'm a complete dick you could just pretend you don't know who I am?  I'd really like to get a job so my wife would quit riding my ass.  After that whole "Mrs. Cowley" thing, she thinks she can just walk all over me.

At any rate, good luck with the rest of your offseason.  Talk to you later - and say hi to Mrs. Cowley for me!