Hello from Cincinnati! I haven't spoken to you guys in a while so I wanted to check in, see how everyone is doing.
Boy, those Twins sure did a number on you all again this year, huh. You guys can't blame me this season, though. Ha, ha. I guess it's Jim Thome this time. Gosh, what was Ozzie thinking. Mark Kotsay?!? Ozzie sure is crazy!
Things are going pretty well for me. I'm going to the playoffs for the fourth time in four years - all with different teams! The National League is such a joke. But I don't need to tell that to the team who went 15-3 against the NL, do I!
Listen, the reason I'm calling is because Mrs. Cowley isn't returning my calls or texts. The last time we spoke I pointed out to her that her husband was a total douchebag who appears to spend most of his time ripping on his competitors on Twitter, making up controversies and playing video games. It's me that she should be with! For God's sake, I'm a professional baseball player, not some attention-whore working in a dying industry. But she said she could never leave Joe. I'm devastated. I was hoping you guys could put in a good word for me.
At any rate, good luck with the offseason. Talk to you later - and tell Mrs. Cowley I'll love her forever!