Lime & Cucumber Gatorade, huh? You're willing to try anything once. You go to grab the bottle, but then you notice the price tag. One dollar?! Fuck! You only brought $.50 and as every one knows, you can't spend a dollar when you only have fifty cents. Looks like you'll be drinking something a little more bottom shelf. Something a little more like Topo Sabores!
and yes, I have imbibed this.
You crack open the top and walk out into the alley behind the store to have a swig. It smells like Squirt. You find this promising.
That was a big mistake. The last thing you can remember before blacking out is horking all over those nice leather shoes and something that sounded like a Rolling Stones song...
"...Hey! said my name is called disturbance..."
You wake up in an unfamiliar room. There are empty cans of Pepsi and drained bottles of Schlitz everywhere. You notice a bizarre amount of University of Illinois memorabilia adorning the wall to your right. You turn to your left and notice a watercolor of images from Mark Buehrle's perfect game and a framed side by side picture of Old and New Comiskey flanking a poster from the 1979 cult classic film "The Warriors".
Yes, this is an accurate description of my room.
"Holy shit! How did you get here?" You notice a startled young man at a computer under the aforementioned poster. He looks vaguely familiar, like a boy from that town you used to live in back in the Southwest suburbs.
"I don't know. I took a drink of some Topo Sabores and the next thing I knew I was here. Where am I and who are you?" you ask, more puzzled than the last time you realized people actually read Al Yellon articles for information.
"You're in Plainfield. My name is Mark, I used to tutor your son. Well not yours, but the real you."
"Wait...what?"
"I've spent the past week or so using my free time to write a Choose Your Own Adventure story about your actions at the trade deadline for a White Sox site that I write for. Somehow you seem to have escaped the story.
"So you're telling me none of this is real?"
"That's exactly what I'm telling you."
"I gotta say, this is a pretty shitty way to end a story."
"Oh trust me, I completely agree."