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Body of an American

It's one of the most recognizable paintings in history.  Surely I've got him beat this time!  you feverishly think as you run away from Wood's masterpiece.

499px-grant_devolson_wood_-_american_gothic_medium

You just touched this.

You hurry back to the Armory, the only sensible place to judge an art touching competition.  You smile to yourself, knowing that you're about to win the bet.  Ozzie saunters over in a carefree mood.

 

"You ready to lose Oswaldo?  I touched American Gothic. Top that!"

 

"Oh Kenny, you always the Cameron to my Ferris."

"No...you couldn't have!"

Ozzie pulls out his iPhone, displaying a picture of him palming the middle of Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte.

Georges_seurat_-_un_dimanche_apr_c3_a8s-midi__c3_a0_l_27_c3_8ele_de_la_grande_jatte_medium

 

As you walk in to your office the next day, wearing a baby's bonnet Brooks Boyer asks you why you keep making bets that you can't possibly win with Ozzie. 

"Because that's what real men do Brooks!" you yell back, using the milk in your bottle to lighten your coffee.