A Royal rumble between our great nations most electable wrestlers. The rules are as follows:
Two wrestlers in the ring initially, and the remaining participants are introduced in order in 90 second intervals, rather than all beginning at the same time. In addition, to be eliminated, a wrestler must be thrown over the top rope, with both feet touching the floor.
Presidents level of fitness is determined by their tenure as president, not their primes as physical specimens. There will be 2 grover clevelands competing
Entrance order is determined randomly, not by order in which they took office.
The contestants are as follows:
George Washington "Carver" age: 57
move: The Cherry Chopper
John "Alien" Adams age: 62
move: The Boston Massacre
Tom "The Declaration" Jefferson age: 58
move: The Louisiana Purchase
James "Mad Man" Madison age: 58
move: The Embargo
"Gentleman Jim" Monroe age: 59
move: The Monroe Doctrine
John "Q!" adams age: 58
move: Era of Bad Feelings
Andrew "Old Hickory" Jackson age:62
move: The Trail of Tears
Martin "The Little Magician" Van Buren age: 55
move: The Barnburner
"Hollywood" William Henry Harrison age: 68
move: The Innaugarater
John "His Ascendency" Tyler age:51
move: The Successor
James "Young Hickory" Polk age: 50
move: The Napolean Stumper, or The Wilmot Proviso
"Ol' Rough and Ready" Zachary Taylor age:65
move: Santa Anna Winds
MIllard "Mallard" Filmore age: 50
move: The Piledriver
Franklin "Dough Face" Pierce age 49
move: The Missouri Compromise
James "The Worst" Buchanon age: 66
move: The Failure to Prevent the Civil War
Abe "Railsplitter" Lincoln age: 52
move: The Emancipation Proclamation
Andrew "The Assassin" Johnson age: 57
move: The Impeachment
Ulysses "The General" Grant age: 47
move: The Reconstruction
Rutherford "Willie Mays" Hayes age: 55
move: The Electoral College
James "Fat Cat" Garfield age:50
move: The Chokeslam
Chester "The Champion" Arthur age: 52
move: The Chester A. Arthritis
Grover Cleveland "Alexander" age: 48
move: The Spitball
Benjamin "Beardy" Harrison age: 56
move: The Soup Saver
Grover "The Great" Cleveland age: 56
move: The Non-consecutive Term, The Cleveland Steamer
William "Mount" Mckinley age: 54
move: The Gold Standard
Teddy "Roughrider" Roosevelt age: 43
move: The Big Stick, or The Trustbuster
William Howard "The Giant" Taft age: 52
move: The Chief Justice, or The Tub Filler
Woodrow "Woody" Wilson age: 57
move: The Fourteen Points
Warren "The G-Man" Harding age: 56
move: The Teapot Dome
"Silent Cal" Coolidge age:51
move: The Attitude Adjustment
2. Herbert "Hard Times" Hoover (h/t Teahenny Penny) age: 54
move: The Great Depression, or The Stock Market Crash
Franklin "Wheels" Roosevelt age: 51
move: The Crippler Crossface
Harry "The Buck Stopper" Truman age: 61
move: The Atomic Bomb, The Habberdasher
DwIght D. "Ike" Eisenhower age: 63
move: The Military-Industrial Suplex
John F. "Dead" Kennedy age: 44
move: Tombstone Piledriver, or the California Uber Alles, or The Government Flu, or The Cuban Missile
Lyndon "The Southern Dandy" Johnson age 55
move: The Senate Majority Whip, or The War on Poverty, or The Tet Offensive
"Tricky Dick" Nixon age: 56
move: The Deep Throat, or The Saturday Night Massacre
Gerald "The Wolverine" Ford age:61
move: The Pardon, or The Pratfall
Jimmy "The Georgia Peanut" Carter age: 53
move: The Gas Crisis, or the Nobel War Prize
Ronald "Jellybean" Reagan age: Fucking 70
move The Great Communicator, or Mourning in America
"Gorgeous" George H. W. Bush age:65
move The Thousand Points of Light
"Slick Willie" Clinton age: 47
move: The Whitewater, or The Definition of 'Is'
George "The Decider" Bush age: 55
move: Mission Accomplished, or The Preztel Face
1. Barack "The Flyin' Hawaiian" Obama age: 48
move: Hope and Change, the Congressional Gridlock, The Terrorist Fist Jab
That took a while. I'll put up a poll after i hear if anyone cares or has better ideas.
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