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katiesphil’s 2018-19 offseason reasons to be cheerful, pt. 1*

Need some sunshine, after the utter collapse that spawned the fourth 100-loss season in White Sox history? Sitaspell, take your shoes off, Uncle KP is here to soothe your sorry soul

Cleveland Indians v Chicago White Sox
No Doggity: We still have José Abreu.
Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

At the very least, no W’s flying all damned winter.

Hawk has officially retired. (Optional, for those who inexplicably don’t find any cheer in this.)

Only 18 months until Michael Kopech’s triumphant return to the mound.

Only 6 months, or so, until Eloy Jimenez’s major league debut. Probably.

James Shields has (probably / maybe) thrown his last pitch for the Chicago White Sox.

Jace Fry looks like a keeper (as a baseball player, anyway) and hasn’t gotten hurt yet.

It’s really unlikely Trayce Thompson visits Chicago as a non-tourist ever again.

Reynaldo López. At the moment, at least.

Daniel Palka might just develop into a solid DH / DH platoon.

Matt Davidson might just develop into a solid 7th/8th inning guy out of the pen.

Adam Engel has developed into the best late-inning defensive replacement outfielder in baseball.

Luis Robert is not, as of this typing, currently on any injured list.

We still have José Abreu.

José Abreu is still good.

We all have more time for reading and going to the movies, starting now!

No plans for any new books by or about Hawk to be published this offseason.

No Star Wars-related movies coming out this offseason, I think, anyway.

If the Colorado Rockies win the World Series, they’ll feel less pressure to re-sign Nolan Arenado, leaving the door open to his signing with the White Sox in 2020.

Thyago Vieira’s name offers a number of Viagra-related anagrams.

Santa is coming, and everybody, regardless of creed, loves Santa. Even godless atheists like me love Santa.

The White Sox front office has no Chris Davis-related decisions to make.

We can now being the process of remembering Miguel González fondly.

Rick Renteria is back in the kitchen.

We can all now start prepping our annual Hall of Fame vote posts.

Nick Lowe is playing in Evanston this December and we don’t have to worry about baseball conflicts on our schedules.

White Sox Baseball 2019 motto contest officially begins at noon (CT) on Friday, 5 Oct. Submissions accepted until 3 PM (CT) on 1 Oct., 2019.

Yoán Moncada is virtually guaranteed not to watch any called third strikes (in or out of the zone) until after the New Year.

Having turned back into a pumpkin, Nicky Delmonico is virtually guaranteed steady employment for the rest of the month.

Carlos Rodón, as of this typing, may not be currently injured.

Manny’s is now open on Sundays.

Yolmer Sánchez can now go back to only dousing himself in cold liquids in the privacy of his own bedroom.

We still have at least one Rondón on the roster.

Debate is now officially open on which potential free agent targets the Sox won’t sign.

Debate is now officially open on what it will take to pry Wellington Castillo away from the Sox. (Bidding begins at a $5 Starbucks gift card.)

Debate is now officially open on Jacob May’s ultimate future career path.

Rosterbation to commence at any moment now.

We finally have time to find out whatever happened to JB Shuck.

Ample parking available for Chicago Sports Depot.

No more missing sleep due to late nights watching West Coast games.

It isn’t snowing yet.

Tim Anderson can finally get into the studio and record a cover of “Walk Like a Man.”

Rick Hahn finally has time to rearrange his sock drawer.

Pointerbabe can finally have time to train her new pup for Bark-in-the-Park nights.

Brett can finally get some sleep now.

Ken can finally wake up now.

*Further parts likely between now and Opening Day. Probably.