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AL Gamethreads: Cleveland at Astros (Game 1), Yankees at Red Sox (Game 1)

How twisted is it that these contenders are all so South Side abhorrent that we gotta end up rooting for Houston?

Houston Astros v Baltimore Orioles
The Fun Police: They’re coming to arrest me, oh no.
Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images

Cleveland at Houston Astros (1:05 CT, TBS)

This is so gross. On no planet am I rooting for Chief Wahoo. Then you’ve got the foolhardy Yuli Gurriel and Justin Verlander on the Houston side. Root for the defending champions, provided Gurriel gets some weeklong food poisoning? I guess so. Ugh, I need a shower.

Who has the edge?

In case you want to know how a guy who subsists almost solely on gummy candies breaks down the series:

And an irritating video lineup:

New York Yankees at Boston Red Sox (6:32 CT, TBS)

And then, speaking of gross, it’s Yankees Nation vs. Red Sawx Nation and, barf. Although, to be fair, just like much of the Cleveland and Houston rosters, there are some entertaining players on both sides here. You don’t like Mookie Betts or Aaron Judge? You got some issues. Anyway, I’m not going to defend Yanquis or Sawx in a public forum beyond this, so here’s some toys and trinkets about the series.

Lineups and whatever to come, maybe, if I can stomach it.