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Song of the Season(s)

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It’s not exactly ‘Stopping By Guaranteed Rate Field on a Snowy Evening,’ but after 100 losses, here’s a take on another classic

MLB: Tampa Bay Rays at Chicago White Sox
Let it Snow? The white stuff isn’t all that has fallen this decade at Sox Park.
Mike DiNovo-USA TODAY Sports

Let ’Em Go!

(To the tune of Let It Snow! ... with apologies to Sammy Cahn and Jule Styne)

Oh, the way the Sox play is frightful,
Even criminally indictful,
Blame the ones running the show,
Let ’em go, let ’em go, let ’em go.

Losing doesn’t show signs of stopping,
So some heads are due for chopping,
Progress has been zilch, and so,
Let ’em go, let ’em go, let ’em go.

The process may get quite hairy,
’Cause we start with tight-fisted Jerry,
Who’s somehow confused Chicago,
With a market like Amarillo.
For the payroll he always says “no,”
Let ’im go, let ’im go, let ’im go.

One of his faults among many,
Is insisting on keeping on Kenny,
And Kenny has kept up the con,
By making the GM Rick Hahn.
They make a pathetic trio,
Let ’em go, let ’em go, let ’em go.

Oh, the way the Sox play is frightful,
The front office should be contriteful,
We can’t stay with the status quo —
Let ’em go, let ’em go, let ’em go.

And as for the staff on the field,
They all need to be repealed,
Beginning with Rick Renteria,
Who’s proven he’s no panacea,
There’s not much to work with, we know,
Let ’im go, let ’im go, let ’im go.

The Sox pick up prospects who should,
At least on paper, be good,
But that just brings the Sox curse —
Instead of getting better, they get worse.
For that, the sensible approach is
To get rid of all of the coaches,
And find a few who don’t blow —
Let ’em go, let ’em go, let ’em go.

(Yes, even jolly old Saint Coopolas,
Whose work has started to droop, alas.)

The staff in the minors as well,
With exception for Omar Vizquel,
Who was such a very smart player
That he may just may have a prayer
To teach the Sox, however improbably,
Not to bobble every ball that’s bobble-ably.
For the rest, what’s needed we know —
Let ’em go, let ’em go, let ’em go.

Oh, the way the Sox play is frightful,
The result a baseball blightful,
But let’s put an end to the woe —
Let ’em go, let ’em go, let ’em go.

Let’s bring on a whole bunch of new faces,
Who can teach guys how to run bases,
Who can set a professional tone,
By showing them the strike zone,
Something Sox pitchers and hitters ignore
So we’re always behind in the score —
If they can’t teach to hit or to throw,
Let ’em go, let ’em go, let ’em go.

Oh, the way the Sox play is frightful,
We need leaders who are insightful,
So for those now running the show,
Let ’em go, let ’em go, let ’em go,
Let ’em go, let ’em go, let ’em gooooooooooooooo!