Meet the Players: Lurker Laura

Lurker Laura will be making her South Side Sox writing debut later today, and I’m guessing when she selected this game to make her first appearance, she wasn’t anticipating the Chicago White Sox would be desperately trying to avoid a sweep of their first home series of the season against the “lowly” Detroit Tigers for said debut.

But, L.L. has been a fan for some 40 years now, so on the other hand, she couldn’t have counted such a scenario out.

Indeed, Laura and I are kindred spirits, as we both fell head over heels for the White Sox via those legendary 16-inch softball brawlers, the South Side Hit Men.

Apparently, there is a picture circulating somewhere of Laura with her favorite all-time White Sox player, Harold Baines, when “I was 15 and had braces; it’s pretty hideous. Harold looks good, though.”

And with that, I believe we have art for next year’s Meet the Players.

Meet the Players: Quick Hits

Hometown: Bloomington/Dwight

White Sox fan since: Birth, but 1977 is the first season I remember.

First White Sox memory: Deciding that Jorge Orta was my favorite player, because his number was 6, and I was six years old.

Favorite White Sox memory: You may as well ask me to choose which of my dogs I like best. For now, I’ll go with Scottie’s home run in Game 2 of the World Series. But ask me again tomorrow, and it will be different.

Favorite White Sox player: There have been many seasonal favorites, but for longevity, I’ll go with Harold Baines edging out Mark Buerhle in a photo-finish.

Next White Sox statue: Nancy Faust (seriously, make this happen, Brooks Boyer)

Next White Sox retired number: There’s going to be a big gap until the next one. I love Jose Abreu, but I’m going to say Eloy Jimenez.

Go-to concession foods at Sox Park: Italian sausage with peppers and light onions. Peanuts.

HALL OF FAME SPEED ROUND

HAROLD BAINES I wish, but no.

MARK BUEHRLE I wish, but no. However, he may be the very last pitcher of significance in a particular style: Contact over strikeouts, location over velocity, throwing quickly over stepping off the mound between every stupid pitch like a ninny. So he should have a place of honor just for that, like the stuffed passenger pigeon at the Field Museum, so you can see what an extinct creature looks like.

JOE JACKSON Yes

PAUL KONERKO No

MINNIE MIÑOSO Yes, it’s stupid he’s not in already.

YOAN MONCADA Probably not, but I do think he’s going to be very good. Just not HOF.

CHRIS SALE Probably

South Side Sox on the field: LOOGY

Favorite Baseball Movie: Bull Durham, because this is a simple game.

True or false: Every jumbled pile of person has a thinking part that wonders what the part that isn’t thinking isn’t thinking of. Considering the non-thinking part is the stuff that keeps us alive — heartbeat, breathing — we should think about it at least occasionally. But we don’t. So, false.