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Twitterpating: Whiny little Cubbies

What fun! Debuting our new, semi-regular survey of the baseball world by taking the piss out of our cuddly neighbors to the north

Billy Goat Gruff: Complaints from Cubs management apparently quashed the San Diego Padres’ goofy “Cub Busters” promo, which would have involved a giveaway along the lines of this 1984 T-shirt.
Wikimedia Commons

Welcome to Twitterpating, which is intended as a semi-regular survey of the baseball world, as seen through the eyes of social media, with links to pertinent articles, photos and stat studies. Let’s get to it!

Whiny little Cubbies

Goodness gracious, what a precious franchise.

Chicago Cubs management apparently petitioned MLB to quash the Padres’ upcoming promotion celebrating the 34th anniversary of San Diego’s thrilling NLCS comeback against the Lovable Losers.

Apparently, one of the key lines of reasoning for kiboshing this promotion is that it’s bad karma to promote your team while dissing another. By logical extension, the Cubs argument says you must only promote your team with a promotion.

This is a franchise that until 2016 dubbed itself the Lovable Losers. It was more caught up in billy goats and curses and the “charm” of its ballpark and its frathouse neighborhood atmosphere and rooftops and day baseball. The first two statues ever erected on Wrigley’s grounds were of team broadcasters.

Now, because wonderboy Theo and irreverent Joe were gifted with a World Series two years ago (thanks for that, Wahoos), they are All About Winning (#EverybodyIn, barf). It’s like brawling with the Los Angeles Dodgers bullpen or tackling Randy Myers on the mound or confronting Bob Howry on the field or the embarrassment of Harry Caray and Horry Kow never even happened.

So, so soft. Listen, “Cub Busters” shirts were stupid in 1984, when San Diego T-shirt bootleggers at least had the excuse of ripping off a popular movie. They are misguided nostalgia in 2018. The Padres are so bereft of ideas they are celebrating a 34th anniversary.

How thin does your skin need to be to find this foolishness objectionable?

Of course, the Cubs aren’t Chicago tough, by any stretch. But this foppery is the worst kind of whining; what’s next, a battle of glove slaps between Theo and that dude who hid a bunch of injury reports and got suspended but still has a job with the Padres?

Get over yourselves, Cubbies.

When the Marlins reject you, you know you are one messed-up company

There should be neither Papa John’s pizza stands in any sports stadium, nor Papa John’s “restaurants,” anywhere, simply on the principle that its crap sludge pizza makes Domino’s taste like Connie’s. I mean, even the nonsensical Lou Mal’s bastard pizza casserole deep dish “pizza” at least tastes like pizza, sort of, for you in the fork-and-knife pizza set. It sure as hell runs circles around the red-fingerpaint-on-pasteboard that is Papa John’s.

But then, there’s the black-hearted hair dye and eyeliner mannequin that Papa John’s founder, John Schnatter, who complained that some other fast food CEO got away with using the “n-word,” but he didn’t. As a result of that recent revelation, the Miami Marlins are the latest team to permanently sever ties with the morally- and culinarily-bankrupt franchise.

Your move, White Sox (and José).

Supreme Court nominee’s credit card debt is so, so, so comically sourced

Even when these jokers try to do things the right way, they fail.

Apparently, Brett Kavanaugh carries credit card debt up to his eyeballs because of ... Washington Nationals season tickets. Dude’s got a lot to learn about grifting from his latest fanboy/benefactor.

Millennial Night

Has anybody noticed how much game time M&Ms man, with the most prime seat in the house, spends staring at his phone? Apropos, when these disses of the youngsters come around:

I mean, yes, every generation deserves a little leveling, and safe spaces are not something steeped in any sort of reality, for sure. But really, Lexington, Montgomery? Lexington’s photo of an entire row of “millennials” staring at their phones at the ballgame chooses to ignore the fact that everyone stares at their phones too much at the ballgame. And, yeah, Montgomery, selfies are just so 25-year-old.

Meanwhile, MLB is busy making paper tickets more or less obsolete, so good luck getting into a ballgame without your smartphone in 10 years.

Slice and dice

Now that Chris Sale is a safe distance from Chicago, he can reference his uniform mutilation moment with a chuckle.

Legit Sox stuff

Check out D-Jax’s study of Avi García, because it kicks ass.

Also, worth revisiting, or in case you missed it: Beyond the Box Score’s take on Yoán Moncada.