Giolito jolted; Sox flogged, 8-3

Today is ripe for one of those off-the-wall, wildly creative writeups that distracts attention from the hideousness of the game.

But, call it an Eloy Jiménez Service Time Manipulation Paradox, but I ain’t got it in me.

Lucas Giolito flushed much of his recent momentum and good fortune with a car crash of a second inning. How devastating a crash was it, Brett? Well, friends, Giolito took 41 pitches to record one — one — out, getting knocked out of the box with one out in the second. So in the process of recording four outs in the game, the lanky righthander surrendered four hits and four earned, five total runs, two walks and three Ks. The big fella threw 50 pitches, 31 for strikes, and still clung to a 24 game score.

¿Cómo?

See, Giolito threw just nine pitches in a Cool Whip-smooth first inning, which included two whiffs. But in the second frame, things fell apart, and after double two-run doubles by somebody named Grayson Greiner and another fella named Dawel Lugo to put Detroit up, 4-0, the Tigers already had all they’d need in the game.

Chicago played much smaller ball to get back three runs in the fourth and halve the Bengals lead to 6-3: Yoán Moncada singled in a run, Adam Engel hit a squib to Detroit starter Franciso Liriano that the southpaw panicked on and threw wide at first for another, and Ryan Cordell notched his first career RBI with a sac fly.

That closed out scoring for the White Sox.

Ryan Burr got touched for a two-run blast from Mikie Mahtook in the eight, upping the lead to 8-3, where scoring would end.

Overall, the White Sox pen was tight, going 7 ²⁄₃ innings of seven-hit, three-run (two earned) ball, with an astounding 13 strikeouts against one walk. Jeanmar Gómez was punching Bengals out left and right tonight, with five Ks accounting for every one of his outs over 1 ²⁄₃ innings.

Offensively, Chicago couldn’t muster much against Liriano and the gang. Tim Anderson went 2-for-4 out of the leadoff spot, and Ryan LaMarre had the lone Hose extra-base hit, a double, en route to a 1-for-3 outing. The White Sox “only” struck out eight times, and that amount of putting the ball in play for this crew usually spells good things. But Chicago left just six on base, so it was just a flat game, one I can hardly believe I’ve written 410 words on already.

The rubber match tomorrow night oughta be fun, Michael Kopech against whoever, like we’re gonna give a damn. OK, Zimmermann, and not the singer.

But hey, it’s a Kopech start, so if you’re coming out to the ball yard, bring one of them real, Mexican ponchos, not a Sears poncho. And there’s likely no need to water the lawn or the garden.

Fingers crossed we get it in, as Kopech deserves at least one full-on home start before the season ends.