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A White Sox fan’s New Year’s resolutions

Improve yourself in 2019 — and hope the White Sox follow suit

Fruit Logistica Agricultural Trade Fair
Eat your broccoli: Unlike White Sox fandom, it’s good for you.
Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images

Happy New Year, fellow White Sox fans! We all hope that the front office’s resolutions read something along the lines of, “sign Harper and/or Machado, tell Ricky enough with the bunting, stop sucking in general.”

But while we’re waiting for all of that to happen, we might as well engage in a little self-improvement of our own. Following is my list of 2019 New Year’s resolutions, and their direct linkage to White Sox fandom.

Eat vegetables every day

And no, potatoes and their derivatives don’t count. I’m a good vegetable eater, but more is always better. They help prevent cancer, diabetes, and heart disease.

What does this have to do with the White Sox? Peppers and onions on your Italian sausage at a Sox game totally count as vegetables. Alternatively, if you eat enough vegetables otherwise, no need to feel guilty about all those churros.

Read more books

I’ve been a big reader since I was 4, but I’ve tailed off lately, what with Candy Crush and Peak TV and SSS game recaps and all. I resolve to revert to my habit of always having two books going at once — one fiction and one nonfiction.

What does this have to do with the White Sox? Reading gives one something else to think about when the Sox aren’t worth thinking about. Or even when they are.

Take a periodic news hiatus

Whatever your political or societal views may be, the news is harsh. It may leave you exhausted, crabby, and anxiety-ridden (or is that just me?). Take a break from the news, be it one day per week, or an entire week if you’re on vacation. I’m not advocating sticking your head in the sand, but give yourself an occasional respite from the madness.

What does this have to do with the White Sox? Sports news also makes one exhausted, crabby, and anxiety-ridden (or is that just me?).

Don’t have a joint replaced

I don’t mean this year, I mean ever. It seems like everybody I know is having multiple joints replaced — shoulders, knees, hips, or some combination of the above. The rehab looks miserable, and I’m pretty sure I would be a lousy patient. So I’m going to opt out of all that. I started this resolution a couple of months ago, with strength training to keep the muscles surrounding said joints healthy.

What does this have to do with the White Sox? When the Sox win another World Series, I’ll be able to throw my arms in the air in celebration (good shoulders), jump up and down with excitement (good knees), and walk pain-free to the victory parade (good hips).

Be nice once per day

Maybe that should be “at least once” per day, but that’s probably pushing my luck. I was at the post office about 10 days before Christmas, and I was annoyed because the Priority Mail box was free, but you had to buy tape to close it. I bought a padded envelope instead (cheaper than tape) and went to a clerk to mail it. This clerk was clearly sick, probably not sick enough to stay home, but just enough to make her miserable all day. As I was leaving, I said, “I hope you feel better.” Her face lit up as she thanked me. She had been seen, somebody took the time to wish her well, and that made her happy. It cost me nothing to do it, and her pleasure in my comment actually served to make me forget that I was annoyed in the first place. Win-win.

What does this have to do with the White Sox? Don’t be a jerk in the comments. Say something kind to a vendor (yes, even when they take 12 years to make your Irish nacho helmet). Don’t punch that drunk behind you who probably deserves it.

Stop worrying about Harpchado

We seem to be in a top-heavy society right now. Income is top-heavy. College football. The NBA. So goes MLB, with about five teams getting all the good free agents. So if Harper goes to the Dodgers and Machado goes to the Yankees, I’m not going to rail against the White Sox for not offering enough money or for being terrible for so long that nobody wants to come play here. (Unless, of course, credible reports come out that one of those two things is the precise reason Harpchado didn’t choose the White Sox, in which case I will totally rail against them.) Instead, I will complain about the oligarchy culture that has consumed this country. That should be way more fun for my friends to listen to.

Happy New Year, and share your Sox-related resolutions in the comments!

(Just be nice.)