Adrian and Jerry’s Classic White Sox Offseason Plan

Well, Jerry tried, guys; he really did.

Against his better judgment, he let Rick and Kenny go out and invest in the bullpen with $54 mil for Liam Hendriks, just less than $6 mil prorated for Craig Kimbrel (even though he swore that we just paid for a closer), take on $9+ mil for Lance Lynn and then invest another $38 mil on top of that (losing a nice, tasty, cheaper option to do it).

All this and for what? For the so-called “fans,” to not even have the common decency to shirk state health mandates and fill the ballpark from Opening Day on.

What do Jerry and the Tiger King have in common? Neither will ever financially recover from this. So, in a South Side Sox exclusive, I decided to ring up The Chairman and transcribe his offseason plan.

HOWEVER, with just a few moves, the White Sox can get expectations back down below league average, right in line with the payroll.

Remember 2016? All the hope for the future? No one cared that the payroll was less than $120 million, it was just all good vibes!!

Let’s do that again next year; right back in that patented White Sox sweet spot.

Here’s Jerry’s take on the 2022 White Sox, or as I like to call it, 2016 style!!

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Arbitration-eligibles

Jimmy Cordero – Non-Tender (rehabbing from Tommy John surgery) $1.2 million

He got a nice free Arizona vacation last year. The free ride is over.

Adam Engel - Non-Tender - $2.2 million

The “man of steel” broke down more last season than a Trader Joe’s employee trying to enforce mask mandates. Thank you, next.

Jace Fry - Non-Tender - $1 million

More like Jace fired, amirite?

Lucas Giolito - Non-Tender - $7.9 million

White Sox MLBPA representative speaking on behalf of player salaries? No thanks.

Brian Goodwin - Non-Tender - $1.7 million

I respect his work as Mayor of Chicago and plan to donate to his re-election campaign. Good day, sir.

Reynaldo López $2.8 million

I though we already got rid of this guy last year. No? Well, he gone.

Evan Marshall (just underwent TJS, extremely unlikely to pitch in 2022) $2.3 million

I prefer my pitchers with all their muscles intact. Gonna have to pass.

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Impending Free Agents

Leury García (2021 contract: $3.5 million) – No Offer

Amazing positional flexibility, loyal, and hard working. We offered him a job on the grounds crew; he declined.

Billy Hamilton (2021 contract: $1 million) – No Offer

What a smile on this guy! Really took a lot for me to say no to him, but I am looking forward to his upcoming Colgate ad. Offered him my best wishes; he declined.

Ryan Tepera (2021 contract: $950,000) – Considering Offer

Pitched Ryan a great idea for a tapas restaurant: “Ryan’s Tapas.” He said he would consider it.

Carlos Rodón (2021 contract: $3 million) – Let me know when he’s gone …

What a beast this guy is. Honestly, I am afraid of talking to him face-to-face. We sent an intern over to let him know we decided not to make an offer.

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Team Contract Options

Craig Kimbrel $16 million (or a $1 million buyout) – BUY OUT

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

César Hernández $6 million (no buyout) – DECLINE

I went to talk to César and his locker was already cleared out. That was an easy one.

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Free agents

Brett Lawrie – (1 year, $575,500)

Second base is a hole in the roster no longer!

José Quintana – (1 year, $575,500)

No reason to worry about Q doing something crazy like fighting for the MLBPA. Let’s bring him home.

Adam Eaton – (1 year, $575,500)

We need butts in the seats and this guy really seems to get the crowd riled up at the ballpark! Just finished paying him a full-year salary for half a season of play, so he cut us a deal.

Tyler Saladino – (1 year, $575,500 minus one iPhone :( )

Basically, Moncada anyway. TWTW is off the charts. I had to give up my iPhone and switch to Samsung as part of the deal to get him out of his KBO contract, but I think it’s gonna be worth it.

Jerry Sands - (1 year $575,500)

#JeuryLegend

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Trades

Yoán Moncada to Telemundo for Player to be Named Later.

Let’s face it, this kid was a born entertainer, we’re not getting in his way anymore. You know what they say, if you really love something, you have to let it go. Telemundo is pretty excited about this acquisition, and offered to pick up his contract in full.

We’re currently scouting their system to see if we can find a backup for Steve Stone and Jason Benetti, because they both keep missing games.

Stay tuned!

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Summary

Whew!

My abacus is on fire at this point, but I am feeling good.

All in all, payroll is looking to be right around $122,859,834, which is a good start. We have our fingers crossed for some locked-out games to skim a little more off that number by season’s end.

Had to make some tough choices, but still think the team is more than well enough-equipped to compete with Detroit and Cleveland for another AL Central title in 2022.

Also, we added a much stronger veteran presence, which should work better with Tony and have the team humming come the September push for second place.

You know the deal; you guys fill up the ballpark for 81 games next season — and yes, I mean whether there are any actual “games” or not.

Do that, and MAYBE we can talk about pushing some more cash into the pot in a few years after the coffers get a much-needed filling.

Being a fan is about enjoying the lean times and not complaining!

Let’s go, White Sox!

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Seriously, though, is Carlos gone? I am afraid to go to my car.

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2022 White Sox Roster

Starting Pitchers

• Lance Lynn
• Dallas Keuchel
• Dylan Cease
• Michael Kopech
• José Quintana

Relief Pitchers

• Garrett Crochet
• Aaron Bummer
• Ryan Burr
• Matt Foster
• José Ruiz
• Liam Hendriks
• Jonathan Stiever
• Jimmy Lambert

Position Players

• José Abreu
• Brett Lawrie
• Tyler Saladino
• Yasmani Grandal
• Zack Collins
• Luis Robert
• Gavin Sheets
• Eloy Jiménez
• Andrew Vaughn
• Adam Eaton
• Danny Mendick
• Jerry Sands