Grandma Got Run Over by a Reinsdorf

Back in my country DJ days, December always brought many requests for Christmas songs. However, there was one that was requested far, far more than any other. Calls for “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” were so dominant that I had to refuse to play it more than once a week. Even at that, it has been carved into my poor mind for decades. So, here is a tribute to Elmo and Patsy’s only hit, one that has probably made them billionaires by now. Feel free to sing along.

Grandma got run over by a Reinsdorf
Walking home from Sox Park Christmas Eve.
You can say there’s no such thing as Reinsdorf’d
But as for me and Sox fans, we believe.

She’d been drinking Rick Hahn’s Kool-Aid,
That “the money will be spent,”
But she too late came to take in
That “wasted” is what Hahn meant.

When we found her Christmas morning
At the scene of the attack,
She wore her Abreu jersey,
With incriminating stab wounds in her back.

Grandma got run over by a Reinsdorf
Walking home from Bridgeport Christmas Eve.
You can say there’s no such thing as Reinsdorf’d
But as for me and Sox fans, we believe.

Grandma heard when Rick Hahn promised
Of a window of contention,
But Jerry nailed that window shut,
Which Hahn forgot to mention.

This was a big offseason,
Huge free agent stars a-plenty,
But the best thing that the Sox did
Was overpay for Benintendi.

Grandma got run over by a Reinsdorf
Walking from the South Side Christmas Eve.
You can say there’s no such thing as Reinsdorf’d
But as for me and Sox fans, we believe.

She kept getting invitations
To renew her season ticket,
So she stomped to the ticket window
Just to tell them where to stick it.

She knew Reinsdorf has made billions,
But he doesn’t like to share,
So he keeps bums like Hahn and Williams
’Cause they’ll kiss his derriere.

Grandma got run over by a Reinsdorf
Walking home dejected Christmas Eve.
You can say there’s no such thing as Reinsdorf’d
But as for me and Sox fans, we believe.

Reinsdorf might not care ‘bout Sox fans,
But one of his main life facts is,
He is a man who is obsessed
With not paying any taxes.

So, Santa we will need your help
To fulfill all Sox fans’ dream,
Please use your Santa magic
To get him to sell the team.
(SELL THE TEAM!)

Grandma got run over by a Reinsdorf,
Crushed like every Sox fans’ dream
So Santa, please for us this Christmas,
Make Reinsdorf agree to sell the team.
(SELL THE TEAM!)

Grandma got run over by a Reinsdorf
Walking home from Sox Park Christmas Eve.
You may think there’s no such thing as Reindsorf’d,
But every single Sox fan? We believe.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!