Winter Meetings Strategies for Front Office Idiots

The MLB winter meetings begin Sunday, December 4th in San Diego, home of the San Diego Chicken and Ron Burgundy. The White Sox will be sending Rick Hahn, its very own Ron Burgundy to San Diego to participate. This is a cheat sheet for idiots at the meetings. You know who you are so read this and move forward.

Sunday starts with the Hall of Fame election for the steroid boys and others. Since Hahn isn’t part of this event, he should ignore it and instead contact teams looking to trade outfielders or second basemen. At this point, we’ve given up on Rick talking to eligible free agents even though Brian Anderson would be a useful pickup if he is looking for bargains. Instead, Hahn appears to be the dude at the dance who hugs the wall with his back. He's not making any moves except staring into the abyss.

Monday is the day the "All MLB team" will be announced. Hahn shouldn’t care because the only guy who could get picked is Dylan Cease. The 2022 White Sox were the most under achieving bunch of malcontents since the bad news bears before their drunk manager got their act together.

Tuesday is the first ever draft lottery. All the non-playoff teams are eligible with varying degrees of probability to land pick one through six. Hahn should not waste his time attending the lottery and instead should send Chris Getz or Kenny Williams to celebrate whatever draft number the Sox end up with because he’ll probably screw it up with the pick even if it is the number one pick. The Sox chances of securing the pick are miniscule and success at the draft will only embolden Hahn to begin Rebuild Number 7.

Wednesday is the Rule 5 Draft. Several players are available for the White Sox, who should be looking for at least two players. Jake Magnum is a switch hitting center fielder who can play all three outfield positions. Erik Miller is a left handed pitcher who would be another lefty in the bullpen. Magnum comes from the Mets and Miller is a Philadelphia prospect. Both have played at AAA so they are ready.

The meetings end on Wednesday but before Hahn returns on his first class flight, he should have solved the problems we face, namely a lack of quality players in left, right and second. Most Sox fans have resigned themselves to the fact that Oscar Colas will be the starting right fielder. I actually like it since I read about allegations that one free agent with left handed pop has been accused of playing high and another has injured his shoulder twice in five years. Colas will do. However, we need a leftfielder also.

This cheat sheet makes it easy for Rick Hahn. All he has to do is talk to the Diamondbacks who have an excess number of outfielders and a need for a third baseman and pitching. They’d also like to dump Madison Bumgarner.

Jake McCarthy appears to be the odd man out in the Diamondbacks outfield. He was never a top prospect but he’s producing at the major league level and he can hit, field and run the bases. Bumgarner used to be a stud but he has fallen on tough times in Arizona. He’s our reclamation project. The third piece in the trade is Ketel Marte, who battled injury, which was probably caused by his heavier contract, and slumped this past season.

In return, we provide Arizona with Burger, Giolito, Garcia and Diekman. Burger slots into third for the Dbacks but Giolito is their prize for the rotation. I’m making them take Diekman and Garcia because we’re taking back higher salaries with Bumgarner and Marte. We’re dumping Diekman’s 3.5 million and Garcia’s 5.5 million and yes, I understand nobody wants those guys but Arizona has a miniscule payroll and we're taking their two big contracts back. Plus, I've convinced myself that they've fallen in love with Giolito. is the not the end all be all to trades. However, I did run it through the computer to check out the trade.

Where does that put this White Sox team?


1. Anderson SS

2. McCarthy LF

3. Robert CF

4. Eloy DH

5. Vaughn 1B

6. Grandal C

7. Marte 2B

8. Colas RF

9. Moncada 3B

Bench: Magnum, Mendick, Sheets, Zavala


Rotation: Cease, Kopech, Lynn, Clevinger, Bumgarner
7,8,9: Bummer, Lopez, Graveman, Hendricks
Long: Lambert,
Lefty: Miller,

Possible (2): Ruiz, Foster, Banks

AAA Starters: Crochet, Stiever, Martin

It's not perfect but at least it is more than the White Sox were planning on doing!


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