Happy Saturday, White Sox fans! I’ve been away from our beloved city for a spell, and during my recent trip south, I took home covid as a souvenir, and am currently convalescing in quarantine. The nightmare of a Dallas Keuchel start against a formidable Yankees team, and the sinister fever dream that is the White Sox all-encompassing slump, combined with my actual covid fever, is inspiring me to add artistic flair to this game coverage. This was an emotionally charged and tense game, so it’s only fitting that I’ve input my feelings into an AI art generator, and will be peppering these unique masterpieces throughout this game coverage for your abstract enjoyment.
Dallas Keuchel has a great history against the Yankees, so we entered this game with hopefulness against flame-throwing Nestor Cortés Jr., who boasts the second-best ERA in the entire major leagues, contributing to the Yankees’ overall league-reigning ERA. As reflected in this first piece, titled Earn Your Paycheck, Dallas Keuchel, the cautious optimism of a great first inning shines through in the subtle pinks, until this feeling was rapidly annihilated in the second inning, when Keuchel gave up five runs, four coming on a grand slam by DJ LeMahieu.
When Ethan Katz comes to the mound to talk to Keuchel, do you think Keuchel responds with an attitude, like a teenager does when you ask him why he keeps putting his dishes in the sink and not directly into the dishwasher, making more work for Katz, who isn’t his maid?
The White Sox offense answered in the third inning, with a three-run blast by Jose Abreu, cutting the Yankees lead to just two runs. As reflected in this piece, Musings of José Abreu’s Return, we can see that one offensive player per game cannot make an entire ball club a winning team. Can we really say that Abreu is back just because he hits one home run? The verdict is still out, and we will look to tomorrow’s doubleheader for the answer.
In the fifth, Yasmani Grandal, protector of honor, argued with classless, ignorant piece of shit Josh Donaldson. After the game, Tony La Russa said that Donaldson directed a racial slur (mocking him as “Jackie” [Robinson] multiple times) at Tim Anderson during the game, which is even worse than the boorish, idiotic behavior we’ve come to expect out of the petty Yankee. The benches cleared, as Abreu and Sheets held back Anderson and dragged him back into the dugout.
In this piece, Saint Timothy, we can see the celestial undertones around an abstract Anderson, who refuses to let little annoying little bitchbabies make underhanded jabs at him without standing up for himself.
Keuchel lasted four entire innings, gave up six runs, and had absolutely no strikeouts whatsoever. Reynaldo López, however, struck out two in his first half inning of play, and was throwing triple-digit fire, embarrassing Keuchel with his competence despite him only pitching an inning and a half. Speaking of fire, this piece is called Dallas Keuchel, Human Dumpster Fire, inspired by the song of the same name.
The White Sox offense was on today, despite the loss, and their refusal to give up helped us to erase a small part of our memory about how apathetic the hitters have performed this past month.
When this season began, so many of us were hyped to watch the White Sox blow the AL Central division out of the water, and that’s how it started. Our stars suffered injuries, healed, and nothing improved, and now here we are, the White Sox in second place in a less-competitive AL Central division, ready to claw their way up to get back on top.
This is a recognizable pattern and a familiar feeling for many of us lifer White Sox fans, but it doesn’t mean it’s here to stay. It’s almost June, so the “it’s early” excuses are almost expired, and it seems like the White Sox offense is starting to get more of a fire lit under it. The rest of this road trip is sure to set the mood for the remainder of this month, and it’s up to the offense to come alive during the next homestand.
Coming into today, the White Sox were a .500 team, facing off against an imposing Yankees team with a .737 record, and tomorrow’s doubleheader will put the South Siders into the position to earn their way back above .500, yet again. In this final piece, Fire Dallas Keuchel, you can see the despair in the AI’s strokes.
In loss, we can find hope. In this loss, I’m glad we found art.