Just like all those Big Harm-ah Pharma Commercials that run constantly on TV... White Sox telecasts and attendance should come with full-on health and side-effect warnings:

‘Watching and following the Chicago White Sox can result in...

Headaches and Muscle Aches

Elevated blood pressure

Fits of Rage and Anger

Risk of Clinical Depression

Shaking and Tremors

A sense of Confusion and Disorientation

Feelings of Hopelessness

And Additional Unspecified Health Risks to Body, Mind, Soul, and Spirit’

And watching and following the White Sox should also done only with full understand and compliance with this further significant health advisory:

‘Watching and following the Chicago White Sox should only be done in the presence of a certified Health Professional under full safety protocols and should only be attempted in small doses (not more than a few innings) under full safety monitoring and instruction.

DO NOT overdose and take in more of the White Sox than has been clinically studied and recommended.’

In the long and glorious history of Chicago’s South Side ball club... the worst year in Sox history was the horrid year of 1970. They finished that Year from Hell with a record of 56–106 on their way to an anticipated franchise move to Milwaukee or Seattle. They finished 42 games out of first place. They were a lifeless team in a lifeless ball park.

The Sox did not even draw a half-million fans to the mostly empty ball park.

Sadly, the great Luis Aparicio was in the opening day lineup which tarnished his personal record of being part of the great Sox teams of the 1960s. He never should have gotten anywhere near this group of misfits and bad ball players.

The question is: Will the 2023 White Sox devolve into the 1970 White Sox? Will the Sox draw a half-million fans to Give Me A Mortgage Park? Will ‘The Owner’ stop looking at maps to decide what city he wants to move to Sox to after deliberately turning off all Sox fans in Chicago?

We better re-read those Sox Side Effects again. I feel a headache coming on.