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Home Opener Bird App Recap: Damn your eyes

OK, I promise, I won’t do any more Bird Apps

By Brett Ballantini
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First things first, Happy Home Opener, everyone! Let the rain hold off and the runs rain down.

And what an upper released before the game ... it really does seem like Liam Hendriks will be seeing us at the ballpark sooner than later:

If you can into the ballpark, of course.

Then again, stuck watching the game from the parking lot in the rain or not, some of us are sad not to be there.

Weird, A.J. Pierzynski DRAGGING the White Sox in the ALDS seemed only to be, like, two years ago?

Speaking of the parking lot:

Going to pin this for later on the game, sorry Lenny.

After Kopech deiverSorta rich a Cubs fan is issuing this edict ... but Merk’s not wrong.

We interrupt this Bird App for a cranky old man take (yes, both subject and writer!):

I mean, it’s spoiler alert, it’s going to get a lot uglier, so let’s enjoy this possible lone highlight of the game:

Hey look, it’s fellow Bird App Recapper Jacki Krestel Wonder if she ever got inside the park.

We have reached the “helpful tips to save the game” portion of the blowout:

Alas, not to be.

No Tom, not when the cheese slices are halving the plate.

cc: Di Billick

Droll. But appropriately so.

Tom and Adrian are working overtime, generating pocket sched heds for a second print run:

If you are asking, hey Brett, Michael Kopech has hardly started any games in his career, how does he already own three four-homer games, that can’t be real! Well, Mark scanned the media guide and has some bad news for us:

Oh wait! You want information on FIVE-homer games? Hey Kamka, make yourself useful.

Sad to say, there’s not much more to say. This was as bad as a home opener as you could experience as a White Sox fan. The White Sox play six of their next eight games on the road. The offense turned back into a pumpkin. eat arbys

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