Gamethread: Cardinals at White Sox

Yes, friends, I can hear that collective groan seeing my name writing the gamethread. If it’s Brett, there’s no meaty, beaty, big and bouncy analyses, just snark. Oh well, I did not ask for this gig, anyway.

But in lieu of telling you how often tonight’s Sox starter Dylan Cease throws his slider (a lot? yes, a lot), I can point you to our terrific series-opening feature, Know Your Enemy, from Brian O’Neill. If you haven’t read it, you oughta.

There, you will learn that this weekend, the White Sox will run one actual starting pitcher in the series, and that is tonight, with Cease. Saturday is TBA. Sunday is TBA. And if running out nothing at a decimated, craptastic Cards club in two-thirds of a home series doesn’t give you a realistic outlook for how this White Sox team might fight its way forward from the current season-worst 15 games below .500, well, you are more a fortitudinous fan than I.

I prefer to dial back some 17 years, to that glorious sweep (? I think it was a sweep, it’s been two decades, man) of St. Louis, two massive blowouts and then a one-hitter thrown at the White Sox LOST on a Jim Thome homer. The 20-6 game to open the series remains tied for the fifth-most runs the White Sox have ever scored in a game, and only 14 White Sox games in history have ever had a bigger winning margin than that game’s 14 runs.

Sure, St. Lou had the last laugh that year, winning the World Series with a 76-86 record or whatever it was, while the White Sox sat home and diddled through October despite 90 wins. But we’ll always have that June.

Anyway, nostalgia sure beats dissecting these two once-proud, now-horrible clubs. Happy weekend before the break!

That’s not a typo. The White Sox just called up Oscar Colás ... and are starting Zach Remillard in right field. Remillard has played 13 games in the minors, ever, in right field. MANAGING BY PINBALL.

Funny thing, the St. Louis manager is even worse than Pedro!

Sorry for the lack of analysis. At least I was a little bit off-color, seems suitable for a Friday night having to cover THIS team THESE teams. To your relief, Chrystal O’Keefe is recapping tonight’s game, and Six-Packing it, and also Bird Apping it. The Triple Play!

It’s a 7:10 p.m. CT game, and as Leigh Allan says, usual broadcast suspects. Bye for now.