Luis Robert Jr. returns to form for the White Sox, who are out-sucked by the struggling Nationals

Happy Monday, White Sox fans. On paper, a White Sox victory today was an easy prediction, as the Nationals are in a rough spot; last place in their division, with a four-year active losing record since taking the 2019 World Series title, and bleak prospects for the future. However, with the White Sox, you truly never know.

The South Siders hadn’t been to Nationals Park since 2019, which was the last time the Nationals weren’t a shameful baseball punchline. The White Sox, with monumentally deep issues of their own, came to Navy Yard 2-9 in the last 11 games against a now-funereal Nationals team, so expectations were low.

Adding to the challenge of a victory was a struggling Luis Robert Jr., who was hitting .159 in the entire month of September, with zero home runs. Robert came into tonight hitless in his last 16, and for a star hitter on the road to a 40-home run season, a drought in the final leg can be a devastating mental hole from which to escape, especially when you’re whiffing every ball you chase.

Luis isn’t alone. The White Sox have played 18 games in September, and had a paltry five wins before tonight. The whole team has been struggling together, even if some parts have been moving properly. As a whole, it’s been a whole lot of suck.

Tonight, however, the White Sox offense came alive. Tim Anderson last played on on Saturday, when he had a three-hit game, and gave an encore performance tonight with another four hits (his 16th career four-hit game). Yoán Moncada has now reached base in 23 of the last 25 games, and Eloy Jiménez now has hits in eight of the last nine games.

Most notably was the triumphant return of Robert, who finally hit a home run off of a slider in the sweet spot, opening the White Sox scoring in the fifth inning with a three-run shot. His comfortable form returned with a seemingly-effortless swing, and Robert looked like he didn’t even know it was out of there. For someone who last hit a dinger on August 30, you can’t blame him.

Robert’s road to 40 home runs can’t be destroyed by a shitty September. Tonight’s was No. 36, and with 11 more games to go for the White Sox, he’s still got 40 in sight.

The White Sox offense didn’t stop there. The sixth inning saw three hits in a row: Moncada (double off of the wall), Andrew Vaughn, and Yasmani Grandal (singles). Cue “Yakety Sax” after an RBI single by Elvis Andrus, who bested the Nationals with a botched pick-off, leading to another rally, and putting the White Sox ahead, 6-0.

The score would stay static until the bottom of the ninth, when the White Sox pitcher gave up a home run, just before Yasmani Grandal defended the hot-headed, serial anger problem bitchbaby White Sox pitcher.

The White Sox gave a spirited offensive performance this evening, which was unexpected, given this past month’s meltdown. The bar was in hell, so anything greater than diarrhea is impressive. Way to go, White Sox.

And kudos to you, White Sox fans, for sticking around this long with our tortuously lousy team.

I don’t remember who pitched, but he had a dumbass belt and looked like a penis. Matt Conifer? I don’t know, whatever.

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