Washington scored their season high in runs!

Don’t like the Einstein quote? Let’s try Napoleon:

quotefancy.com

Not basebally enough? Let’s move on to Casey Stengel:

tiannafey.blogspot.com

Perhaps you have by now noticed an attempt to avoid starting to write about this afternoon’s debacle. Very perspicacious of you.

Still, this is a White Sox site, so let us pretend to present you with a nice White Sox play.

See, a highlight, even in a 13-3 slaughter. Only thing is, Trayce Thompson, in the game because Luis Robert Jr. was given the rest of the hopeless cause off, only had to make the big diving grab because he started the wrong way, which is appropriate, because the Sox sure started the wrong way.

Did we mention the final score was 13-3 Nats? Only thing is: It wasn’t that close. Well, it was for an inning-and-a-half. Michael Kopech, playing the role of opener, got through the first on one unearned run, the product of Tim Anderson blowing a catch in a rundown. The Sox then tied it up in the second on a walk, an Andrew Vaughn double that was really a single but the throw went to the wrong base, and a Gavin Sheets sac fly.

Whoopee! Whoopee, that is until the Nats — you are aware they have the second-worst record in the NL, aren’t you? — scored three in the second (one unearned, thanks to Yoán Moncada doing an excellent matador impression on a routine grounder), four in the third, and two each in the fourth and fifth before getting so exhausted running the bases and hitting dingers that they didn’t bother scoring again until the eighth.

What about Chicago’s other two runs? They came when down 12-1 in the eighth, without a ball hit out of the infield, thanks to, among other things, a dribbler, an error, a couple of fielder’s choices and a bouncer hitting second base to keep away from a routine double play. Whoopee, indeed.

The Sox did manage to accept five walks, generally a whole week’s worth, thanks to serious wildness by Nats pitchers. And Vaughn and Eloy Jiménez each got two hits, though one of Eloy’s was a misplayed 57.4 mph dribbler.

As for pitching, six Sox tossers allowed seven walks, hit two batters, hurled a wild pitch, and gave up 14 hits — though only three of them made it into the stands, including a Lane Thomas grand slam. If Washington hadn’t left 11 on base, the game might have gotten out of hand.

The good news is, losing the game and series (the White Sox did actually win a series in early August, so no reason to do it again) to the last really bad team they’ll face this year, the White Sox have helped their march toward 100 losses. They’ll need to win five of their last nine to keep the loss total to double figures, so they should break through the barrier easily.

The Sox now head to Boston, where they’re scheduled to face old buddy Chris Sale Sale on Friday. Clubhouse attendants have been advised to hide the uniforms if he’s seen with scissors.

Six Pack of Stats

By Kristina Airdo

FanGraphs

Pressure Play
In the bottom of the first, Lane Thomas was hit by a pitch to put runners on first and second, but then was promptly caught stealing. The play had a 1.81 LI.

Pressure Cooker
Tanner Banks’ 1.22 pLI slightly edged out Michael Kopech (1.21 pLI) for facing the most pressure today, and unfortunately succumbed to most of it.

Top Play
Back to Lane Thomas, who blasted a grand slam in the bottom of the third off of Jesse Scholtens, increasing the Nationals win probability by 12.1%.

Top Performer
Surprise, surprise! Lane Thomas was the top performer today, with 15.9% WPA.

Hardest Hit
Carlos Pérez’s fielder’s choice ground out in the top of the eighth inning left the bat at 109.3 mph.

Weakest Contact
Ildemaro Vargas’ ground out in the third left the bat at just 40.4 mph.

Luckiest Hit
Ildemaro Vargas also had the luckiest hit today, as his single in the second had just a .130 xBA.

Toughest Out
Jacob Young’s soft line out in the sixth had a .660 xBA.

Longest Hit
The grand slam by Lane Thomas was blasted 425 feet.

Magic Number: 5
The White Sox need to win at least five out of their final nine games to avoid a 100-loss season. Woof.

Glossary

CSW called strikes plus whiffs
Hard-hit is any ball off the bat at 95 mph or more
LI measures pressure per play
pLI measures total pressure faced in-game
Whiff a swing-and-miss
WPA win probability added measures contributions to the win
xBA expected batting average